Just Do It, Steph-on

It’s been a tough run for Nike. They may be the overlords of an entire state, own the Oregon Athletic program, and get laced up by most of the sports’ biggest stars. But don’t tell ME it’s been a great stretch for the Swoosh.

Their cash cow Tiger Woods stopped activating and fell off the planet. In the same year, they had to take Lance Armstrong’s name off their fitness center, and Joe Paterno’s name off their “Child Development Center.”

And as Under Armor has come running, we learn Nike couldn’t even get Steph Curry’s name right when they tried to land him.

According to ESPN, Steph and his Dad met with Nike in the 2013 offseason about signing with them, and Team Swoosh was about as prepared as the 9th grader who didn’t read one page of “A Tale of Two Cities” and tries to BS through his oral report to the class. But at least that flunky could get the TITLE right. Nike reps addressed Steph as “Steph-ON Curry.”

That’s like something your parents would do, when they try to talk to you about sports. Or a bad local news anchor. Not a Nike executive.

That’s something New Balance would do. That’s an LA Gear move. Steph-on? Did they call his dad, “Dale”? Curry had just taken the Warriors to the Western Semi Finals. And he’s already been a rockstar for about 5 years after lighting up March Madness with Davidson.

That whole “is this dude’s name Steven or Stefan” phase ended around the time he dropped 33 on Wisconsin to hit the Elite 8. No wonder he signed with Under Armor.

And it’s even worse- then Nike fired up the Power Point presentation, and mistakenly left Kevin Durant’s name in the projector. What a bunch of klutzes. UHHH, SORRY, STEPH-ON. JUST A LITTLE MISTAKE HERE. LET ME GET THE LEBRON SLIDE IN THERE, I MEAN THE LANDON DONOVAN… NO, WAIT.. WHO LEFT THIS OSCAR PISTORIUS SLIDE IN HERE DAMMIT?!  – CAN YOU GIVE US A FEW MINUTES, STEPH-ON? CAN YOU AND YOUR FATHER, DALE, CAN JUST STEP OUTSIDE?

It’s like the moron who’s copying and pasting his cover letter to employers, and forgets to change the name of the person he’s sending it to. I just wish we could hear about how Under Armor landed Jordan Spieth. Probably because NIKE called him Justin and threw up their Rory McIlroy presentation.

They’re lucky Steph-on and Dale didn’t walk out in the middle of the meeting. The Curry family should have said “Sorry MIKEY” – we’re taking our talents to Under Armor.

Hey Swoosh- I know you think every player is just going to flock to you, and you don’t’ even need to double check how you say their name… but next time follow your own company line and JUST DO IT.

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