Team Banana Boat

The 2016 LeBron James free-fall into Delto Bravo has reached Defcon1.

I swear it wasn’t too long ago that this guy was playing the hero in his return to Cleveland, dragging a broken Cavs team to the Finals, killing it on the big screen, landing Hollywood deals and setting his eye on the all-important Space Jam sequel. He was the King.

And where the hell did that guy go? Here’s a quick recap of what this dude has done lately: Screamed about how hard he’s hitting the gym on Instagram. Then unfollowed his own team. Then walked out of an interview when asked about it. Then had his team explain it’s part of his social media playoff shutdown, only to tweet that he’s joining snapchat the next morning. Then he weighed in on the NCAA tournament, something he never played in, and tried to lift the spirits of the guys on Northern Iowa by saying if he blew a lead like that he’d quit basketball for life.

So, what does Bron give us for a grand finale? How about – Whimsically pop off about how, really, he just wants to play with his buddies.

He told Bleacher Report that he wants to team up with Carmelo, Chris Paul and Dwyane Wade. “I really hope that, before our career is over, we can all play together… Me, Melo, D-Wade, CP, I would actually take a pay cut to do that…. I mean, if you got an opportunity to work with three of your best friends, you take it, no matter what… I don’t know if it can even happen, but it would be cool.”

No it wouldn’t. It would feel like an NBA Bachelor Party of past their primers just Bro-ing it up all season for the hell of it.

You know what would be cool- If Bron was actually friends with Kyrie Irving and Kevin Love. What would be cool – is if he actually brought a championship to Cleveland like he said he would. What would be cool, Bron – is you standing with the Cavs on a parade float. Not rolling with your little frat on the banana boat. That wouldn’t be cool for anybody but the 4 of you, and whichever Center you pretend to like so he can be part of your crew.

But I can tell you what would be funny – Watching that actually happen, and Team Banana Boat getting blown out by actual basketball teams instead of a group of buddies.

We all want to hang out with our friends. Some of us think it would be so cool to WORK with our friends. It’s usually a disaster. Especially when you’re talking about THESE friends.

You could slap that team together right now – and they’d still get housed by the Warriors and Spurs. The Banana Boaters wouldn’t get 2 weeks into the season before these bffs started sniping at each other. Melo’s taking too many shots. WOW needs his knees drained. And Bron’s hitting CP with subtweets.

Whichever poor coach they con into running that crew. I actually wish Bron would lift his BS 23 Dark Thirty movement so he could turn his phone around and roll camera explaining this pipe dream to Cleveland –  AHHHHHHH How many NBA players are already dreaming about skipping town for a second time, assembling the crew, and turning the whole NBA into their man cave!?! I live for Melo! I die for D-Wade! Strive for friendship, cuz!!  

That’s your King, Cleveland. In a career full of it, this might be Brons’ baggiest stretch yet. You’re praying for a championship. He’s already planning a guy’s trip.

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