Good Luck, Cleveland

It wasn’t some weird dream you had. Robert Griffin III is a Cleveland Brown. Really. He is.

And how weird was that, seeing that dude posted up at his introductory presser in front of a bunch of Browns logos. Because you just can’t help but get the feeling somebody’s already taken that image and photoshopped crying Mike right over his head, and is just waiting for the first opportunity to break it out.

And knowing this dude, the wait won’t be that long.

And don’t get that twisted. I’m not here to hate and I’m not rooting against. In fact, I hope Bob Griffin is a huge success in Cleveland. It would great for the NFL if the Browns mattered, and that one season was awesome when RG3 mattered. So I hope it works.

And I dig that he said he has a massive chip on his shoulder. Cleveland has a guy who’s an insane athlete with huge motivation. But then –  so did Washington.

Didn’t Bob have a chip on his shoulder when he lost his gig as a starter? Wasn’t he motivated when he went from franchise savior to third stringer and RG3 to DNP? And what did that chip get him – a trip to Cleveland and Josh McCown QB competition.

And it’s hard to believe that Bob is a different guy when he shows up as a Brown spewing the same bubble-gum motivational tripe as he did in the district. The guy still talks like he’s reading out of his diary, and he opened it with that little key right before the presser to pull some sound bites. You know the guy who used to coin phrases like “Unbelievably believable” and “Dream Big, Live Bigger?”? The NFL’s Mr. Rogers who once said about OTAS “Some people call it the grind. I call it The Find! Since you find out what you have!” And now as he meets Browns fans, Bob dropped “If you say you’re humble, then you’re not humble.”

Dude- you used to sell socks that said “Stay Humble.” What are you talking about???

And how about closing the presser, by tapping his fingers on the dais and saying “No pressure, no diamonds.”

That’s a phrase the dude once trademarked. Am I watching an introductory presser or an Adidas commercial? No pressure, no diamonds? Looking at the Browns right now, I’ve got some better ones for Bob to write down. No receivers, no scoring. No blocking, no winning. No quarterback, no chance. Trademark some of those and sew ’em into some socks. Good Luck, Cleveland.

Seriously. The best thing I can say right now is at least RG3 won’t be caught in Vegas with a fake mustache. The worst thing is he’s already spitting the corniest BS your town has churned out since Strive for Greatness, cuz!

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