Welcome To The Masters

I’m going to fire up today’s show like I’m starting a symphony. I’m stepping up on the podium, I’ve got my tux on, I’m raising my little baton…. And….. GO.

Awwwwww yeah. It’s Masters time, where we chase the best event in sports with a Top 3 weekend of the year.

You have the opening weekend of march madness. Divisional weekend in the NFL playoffs. And Masters weekend in April. The other majors are huge, but the Masters is the granddaddy of them all.

Made in America. Played in America. Watched by all of America.

If you’re not a football fan – you watch the Super Bowl. If you’ve tuned out from baseball- you’ll tune in for the World Series. If you hate Jungle callers, you’ll still check the Smack-Off. And even you think golf is an insufferable 4-hour bore played by rich people – you know you’re couching it out for the Masters.

Even if you don’t know any of the golfers. Because really- you don’t have to. The biggest star is the course. Augusta National is the reason HD TV was invented. So the world can watch each Spring and feel like they’re standing barefoot in Rae’s creek. I don’t care if you have a 200-inch curv TV, or the crappiest man cave on the planet. You could watch the Masters on a 12-inch screen set up in a musty basement. You could watch it in prison. I don’t care if you’re doing 18-20 in San Quentin. Have the warden flip on two seconds of the Masters, and you’ll immediately feel the cool Georgia breeze blow across your hair as it passes through the dogwoods with a pleasant scent of jasmine. Part golf, part escapism.

Watching the Masters – is like going on a vacation. If a get-away’s not in the budget, or if you can’t get off work… Just flip on CBS this weekend and you get a round-trip ticket to an 18-hole Tahiti.

No joke, I’ve heard of couples who get married, and then for their honeymoon… They just sit down and watch the Masters. Most romantic getaway ever.

Why do you think January is one of the most popular months for babies being born? Because it’s 9 months after April. More children have been conceived to the soothing tones of the Masters theme than the clarinet of Kenny G.

Watching the Masters is so enjoyable… You don’t even have to have the golfers out there. They could do 4 days of just driving around that track, shooting sunsets, drew drops and bird baths. It would kill. Especially around this time when it’s right before Tax Day, flipping on Augusta is like America’s Spa Day, but it lasts of an entire long weekend.

How many sporting events would you watch merely because of the venue? And not some new venue that you want to check out, either. This one’s 83 years old. But it’s the only one where they’ll set off a Code 5 alert and dispatch emergency crews if so much as an acorn falls and lands on a fairway. ALERT ALERT! This is not a drill! We have a rogue maple leaf lying on the fringe of 17!!   

Place is immaculate. Watching it in HD is hypnotic. Be real – how many of you have dozed off just listening to this lullaby play right now? My entire crew is napping it out across the glass.

Welcome to the Masters. One of the most competitive tournaments on the planet, and the single most hypnotic weekend on the couch. A tradition unlike any other.


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