Calm Down Cubs Fans

I never thought I would really need to tell Cubs fans this  – but have a beer. Relax. Or you’re not going to make it to Memorial Day without a heart attack. There had to be a half dozen cardiac cases in the bleachers last night, because for a couple hours it looked like the the Cubs’ home opener was going to be a Reds’ no-hitter. In maybe the Cubs’ most anticipated season ever, in a ballpark where they’re just waiting for something to go wrong – they didn’t have to wait long. Because Cincy left hander Brandon Finnegan carried a no-hitter into the 7th, and the first time the Cubs fans witnessed this explosive offense they’ve been geeking on… it was getting buckled by a 22-year old starter.

For a fanbase that will turn ANYTHING into an omen… getting no-no’d in your home opener is a reason to cancel the entire season. Especially when you’ve already lost fan favorite Kyle Schwarber for the season. So the panic set in. The tweets started flying. Goats. Black cats. Daniel Murphy. Steven Bartman. And just as I was about to join them and say this is what you get for bringing MIMES into spring training…I remembered a couple things. I’m an adult who doesn’t believe in BS like curses. And the Cubs are freaking loaded. While their fans were dry heaving into the urinal troughs…David Ross broke up the no-hitter, new Cubbie Jason Hayward got them on the board, and then 22-year old Addison Russell jumped on one.

See? Your guys can handle it. They don’t lose their bleep. Why do you?  You’ve got this incredible, athletic, young team – and you’re still clinging on to 108-year-old nerves. You finally have something in common with the Cubs roster – you’re both loaded.  The difference is – these guys don’t trip, and you do. This is finally the team that you’ve been waiting for. The one your grandfather wished for on his death bed. They’re here. They’re real. Don’t miss the whole season because you’re sucking breaths out of a brown paper bag so you don’t hyperventilate in April. Again – this is never something I’ve needed to tell the North Siders – but your guys are really good. Stop panicking and start partying.


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