Game 1 Beatdowns

AWWW HELL YEAH. I’m coming in HOT off the weekend, thanks to the Association. I’ve got the NBA postseason fever. I bumped Roundball Rock in the way into work with the windows down and my system up. I backed down Little Alvie at the trash can, counted down from 5 and buried a fadeaway to beat the buzzer. The NBA playoffs are here. And they have showed up like a MOTHER… No they haven’t.

Blowout city, all weekend long.

That regular season is a marathon. 82 games feels like 500. But you grit down and gut it out because you know once you hit mid-April, the dead wood gets dropped and the NBA’s royal rumble kicks off for the next 6 weeks. Eight games over the weekend. 6 decided by double digits. 5 decided by at least 20. That hasn’t happened in over 20 years. The scoreboard was a smorgasbord of ass kicking’s.

Saturday saw the Warriors just laugh at the Rockets, then a truly close game between the Hawks and Celtics. So you think- no biggie. Figured Golden State would roll. Got our one f-minus out of the way, now it’s time to get off some tweets, freshen up the snacks and spend the next 24 hours in an NBA coma. And then the Thunder just hammer the Mavericks by 38! And the Heat embarrass the Hornets. And the Spurs roll over on Memphis. And the Clippers tag the weekend by smashing Portland by 20.

There was a coma, all right. Most of the teams were already in one when they took the floor.

It really makes me miss the 5-game opening rounder’s. When a team that was just happy to be there could take their 3 losses with honor and then get the hell over to the golf course.

In fact, watching some of these squads, it makes me wish there were 1-game series. March Madness style. C’mon – Memphis? I love my guys, but they don’t look anything like a team that really deserves FOUR shots at this thing. They look like a play-in team that’s gonna get trashed by a 1-seed after they scratched a win in the “first four”. That series should be on TruTV.

Warriors-Rockets? C’mon. It’s the kind of series where the network breaks away to “bring you other action” – but promises to keep the viewers posted.

Imagine if back in the NCAA tournament, “Austin Peay” got FOUR shots against Kansas! That’s what the NBA is giving Houston and Memphis. I know some of the games will end up being more competitive. Because they can’t be any worse. Because for the casual NBA fan who grew up on Knicks-Bulls or Lakers-Celtics….  The new “Wake me up when the NBA playoffs starts” is… “Lemme know when the second round starts.”

The losers who suffered those Game 1 beatdowns have to do better than that. Just have to. I know they can’t do any worse.

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