Jacob Joseph Arrieta

Cubs fans – never mind breaking some BS curse. Jake Arrieta is breaking baseball. This just doesn’t seem possible. Somebody needs to hit CTRL-ALT-DELETE on MLB. Because this is just not right.

The reigning CY Young Award winner threw another no hitter in Cincy last night.

This has gotten to the point where veteran columnists are just throwing their hands in the air and saying “There are no words” to describe Arrieta. But there are tons of stats.

And really, at this point, Jake Arrieta stats might as well be “Chuck Norris Facts.” They couldn’t sound any more ridiculous. He has now thrown 2 no-hitters in his last 11 starts. You know: He can cut through a hot knife with butter!. He hasn’t lost a regular season game since his last no-hitter. He ordered a Big Mac at Burger King and got it. He has thrown 2 no hitters on the road. The only guy with more is Nolan Ryan. When he was born, he drove his Mom home from the hospital. His last regular season loss came back in July when Cole Hamels no-hit the Cubs. You have to no-hit his team or you can’t beat him. When he gives you the finger, he’s telling you how many seconds you have left to live.

Over his last 24 regular season starts… he has 1 loss, 2 no-hitters, and he’s hit 3 home runs! But I think my favorite fact about him going no-no on the Reds… is that he did it without really having his best stuff. He walked 4 Reds. He only struck out 6. But not a single hit. And really, not even close. This was not one of those no-hitters that was saved  by some insane web-gems by Arrieta’s defense. This was a no doubter from about the 5th inning. This cat is playing a different game than everyone else.

You know he and the Cubs did something crazy if ridiculous old baseball names from the 19th century are getting dug up. And sure enough, that 16-0 final score was the most lopsided no hitter since ol’ Pud Galvin and the Buffalo Bison rolled up the Detroit Wolverines 18-0 back in 1884. For real.

Clayton Kershaw is one of the nastiest pitchers the game has ever seen, but right now Jacob Joseph Arrieta is the scariest, stupidest pitcher in the league.

Speaking of Kershaw, his Dodgers also got no-no’d by him, and they reached out on Twitter last night to pick up the Reds  “Hey @Reds Arrieta no-hitter support group meets on Mondays.”

Let it all out fellas. And some extra chairs, donuts and coffee. That group’s going to be adding members.

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