Welcome To The Club, Ted

I’m not going to sit here and try to handicap the Republican race for the oval office… I won’t speak on that. But what I can speak on is sports. And that’s why I can say that Ted Cruz has no shot in Indiana.

He can kiss that state goodbye. Because even if I knew nothing about the man or what he stood for… I know what basketball-loving Indiana WON’T stand for. And that’s some politician throwing the movie Hoosiers into a meat grinder.

Did you catch Cruz last night? Credit to the folks running his campaign. They set up a sweet little engagement for him. He was speaking at the actual gymnasium where Hoosiers was shot. And he was going to do a recreation of the Gene Hackman scene where he takes out the measuring tape and proves to his players that the arena for the state championship is no different than the dingy gym back in Hickory.

You know the speech. The court is the same size. The free throw line is the same length. The basketball RING is the same height.  What- ? Norman Dale didn’t refer to the hoop as a “ring.” – but Theodore Cruz did.

“You know the amazing thing is that basketball RING here in Indiana, is the same height as it is in New York city.” No it’s not. Because there isn’t a “basketball ring” in New York city. There isn’t one anywhere in the world.

I’ll tell you what the amazing thing is, that Team Cruz set up this whole performance to make their candidate appear like he revered the great tradition of basketball in the Hoosier State… Only for him to lose the room and call it a “Basketball RING.”

Keep going Teddy… Tell us about your youth, when you watched the great players run up and down the patio, pitch the basketsphere off the glass shield and through the ring for 2 runs. That’s why it’s an honor to quote the words of legendary basketball Teacher Norm Dale.

I know why politicians try to talk sports. It’s the easiest way to endear yourself to a specific city. Hype up their team, pretend like you know the players and the game. They do it because it works. But damn does it go badly when it doesn’t.

I mean – it’s Indiana. Mess up your message about the economy. Butcher education and unemployment. Don’t butcher basketball.

Not to be too hard on Cruz, even though “basketball ring” is pretty horrible.I mean that’s as bad as riding over to Lucas Oil Stadium and calling the “Endzone” “The pointszone”

But it’s not as if Teddy is the first to butcher something this badly. In fact he’s just the latest member of the club. His buddy Donny Trump giving Rex Ryan two AFC Titles… Ted Kennedy hyping McGuire and Sooser… The late Mumbles Menino preaching about Gonk and Weckler… They all welcome Ted to the club for his take on Hoosiers.

Guess that wraps up the NBA playoffs. Too bad for all these teams trying to win a ring. Indiana’s already got one.

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