Happy Dwight Howard Championship Day.

Erv. Mike. Zeek. The Dream. Dwight. All legends who have stacked championships back to back.

You know the immortal words from the big man: “No matter how the season ends, I’m still a champion. And I won’t let anyone tell me different.”

I’m not telling you any different, champ. I know better. Even though this season ended with you guys napping out a Game 5 and going quietly into the night.

The Rockets took the court like they were in traffic court. Like- how long do we have to be here, and just tell us what we have to do to get the hell out of here. Not much, fellas. Shooting 3-for-13 should do it, Dwight.

Give credit to James Harden. The Beard showed pride. He earned this check. He was the hustling employee who wanted to go into vacation on a high note and impress his bosses. The rest of the Rockets? They left during their lunch break and turned their phones off. Screw it. Let’s bounce. Those Mai Tais ain’t gonna drink themselves. Steph Curry showed 10x the intensity wearing a blazer than nearly every Rocket wearing a gamer.

What did Houston do during halftime exactly? Because I picture them all on their phones doing the online check-in for their flights today. They might as well have brought a batch of those Mai Tais to the bench and played the second half repping Thomas Bahama.

For a second, I swore I saw Trevor Ariza rocking one those of frozen-drink backpack dispensers, walking up and down the bench filling up every body’s solo cup with a little umbrella in it.

Corey Brewer and Josh Smith were holding up a limbo stick. And Mike Beasley was roasting a pig for the luau.

The dudes repping “Clutch City” were going Club Med. Not J.B. Bickerstaff’ though. Coach was making a point. A hilarious one. He played Dwight Howard – 45 minutes in that beatdown! Dwight was out there jogging up and down the court with a couple minutes left, down 30 points.

I can’t imagine the big man wanted to be out there missing that bench party in his final minutes, when he didn’t even want to be out there in the OPENING minutes.

The best news I can give Houston – is that very well may be Dwight’s LAST minutes in your city. He’s a free agent this summer. He and Harden have the worse chemistry ever. I know Houston was never going to win this series. But it would have been nice if their big man actually looked like he wanted to. He may be about to leave his 3rd town, but at least he brought another title to H-Town.


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