Golf Guy

If a golf course is supposed to be a place of tranquility – then why it does it attract so many morons? As much as other sports show up on YouTube for brainless idiots beating each others faces in up in the stands, there are still so many dumb people on golf courses.

Like the guy at the Wells Fargo Championship yesterday who threw something at Rory McIlroy and Ricky Fowler.

As Fowler stepped to the tee at #6, somebody from the gallery buzzed him and Rory with… Figure this out… “a golf ball with an ear plug attached to it. ” What?  Rory put it perfectly: “It was one of those things. It was a golf ball with an earplug stuck on it, so it was sort of strange.”

Let’s get right to the questions: Why would someone even have an earplug at the golf course? And HOW do you attach it to a golf ball? And why would you throw your newly-fashioned Ear weapon at two of the most well-liked guys on the tour? I know why. Because you’re an Alpha Hotel and you’re on a golf course.

When Rory says it was “one of those things” – that’s what he means. One of those stupid things stupid guys do when they get out there.

I don’t care if you’re playing your local course or behind the ropes at Augusta. Golf courses turn men into morons.

Take your pick at the violation. Guy who hits a nice tee shot and says “Probably the only good one I’ll hit all day!”

Guy who responds to a putt you leave short with, “Nice run at it, Nancy. Does your husband play?”

The guy who says “That’s one!” when you accidentally bump your ball off the tee.

The guy who golfs in cargo shorts.

The guy who goes in for a hug with the Golf Cart Girl.

The hammer who says “Tee it high, and let it fly, gentlemen!” – and then skulls one 170 yards.

The guy who thinks he’s Hank Haney because he reminds you it’s “Drive for show, and putt for dough!”

The guy who slices 50 yards into the woods, then miraculously “finds” his ball and doesn’t have to take a penalty.

The guy who sees the foursome in front of him on the green 390 yards away, and says “Do you think I’m safe to hit?”

Sun flower seeds on the Green Guy.

Cig Butts on the green guy. And pulls ear plug, sticks it on a ball and chucks it at two of the best players in the world GUY.

Ricky Fowler said: “So random. The guy tried to say it was a gift. I don’t know why you would give a gift of a golf ball with an earplug attached to it.”

Why not? Here guys. You’re a couple of young multi-millionaires. Figure you could use a used golf ball I pulled out of the pond, with my sticky, waxy plug stuck on it. Why am I getting kicked out? I should be getting THANKED!  Wait wait! I’ve also got this golf tee with a scabby Band-Aid wrapped around it for you! It’s a gift!!!

As always Golf Guy, if you want to give everybody a gift- give us the gift of you staying the hell away from the golf course.

You like to say GET IN THE HOLE. The rest of us are saying-  STAY IN THE HOME.

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