New School Hazing

Turns out not everything used to be better than it is now. Old Timers can say that about the music and the movies and the athletes if they want. But I LOVE the way that rookie hazing has evolved. That’s much better than it used to be.

Because we seem to finally be moving past giving guys stupid haircuts and taping them to goal posts.

At best, hazing is an unfunny waste of time. At worse, it’s a sadistic ritual that humiliates and even harms the young people you’re supposed to be bonding with. That’s what it’s supposed to be about right – Bonding. Not bondage. There’s no bonding going on when Frat boys and lacrosse bros beat up freshman or boozing them to the hospital.

And that’s why I love the way the Vikings just did their rookie. With 60,000 bags of fruit snacks in his Escalade.

Check the vid of Laquan Treadwell trying to climb into his ride in the players’ parking lot.

 

Kyle Rudolph and Teddy Bridgewater got their hands on boxes and boxes of Welch’s fruit snacks, ripped his keys, and filled up his sled. That’s how it’s done. It’s funny, it’s harmless… And it doesn’t mess up his ride either.

We’ve seen guys film up rookie’s cars with popcorn, which is just going to disintegrate all over the interior. If you’re going to drop some Pop Secret into somebody’s new Benz, you might as well take a key to it. Or take a paddle to their backside. Same deal with wrapping their ride in Saran Wrap. The guy’s worked his whole life to buy that car, and you’re going to mess up the paint job with hot, melted plastic about a week after he bought it? Jacked up.

But packet and packets of little fruit snacks, stacked all the way up to the Sun roof? That’s how it’s done.

Signing songs and carrying pads is so played. Atomic sit-ups and inflicting pain should put you in jail. The Vikings did this right.

“Hazing” is about some laughs, some snacks, no damaage, and an awesome Instagram video. Take notes.

Score this as a victory for the new School- the modern NFL doesn’t have as much hitting, but there’s way better hazing.

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