J-Ran’s Pregame

The best thing going for Johnny Manziel is Joseph Randle. Because Joey Beerpong’s act is making Johnny Football’s look like Eli Manning’s.

What did I tell you about Joe Randle? That guy can always raise the bar. Always up the ante. Give him any headline, and he can top it.

Joe Randle steals underwear and musk. Think that’s bad, how about the time, Joe Randle offered a cop 100 bucks for a massage. Or when he tried to run over people after beer pong dispute.

All great Joe Randle moments, but none as good as the new champion – Joe Randle allegedly threatened to murder a police deputy who wouldn’t give him his phone call.

According to the affidavit, while incarcerated after his most recent arrest, Randle said to the deputy “I will kill you. I swear on my life and everything I have I will kill you when I get out.” He swore on everything that he had?! Really Joe?!

At this point, what exactly do you have? What are you swearing on – an old pair of Jockeys and some Drakkar Noir? Randle was just declared mentally fit to stand trial for trying to go Smoke Stewart on those beer pongers, so maybe this was his attempt to seem like a loon.

You know – like the dude who thinks he can get out of jury duty by saying a bunch of jacked up, judgmental, racist things during the screening? It doesn’t work. And neither does saying you’re going to kill a deputy when you get out.

The only thing Randle has killed is his shot at ever playing pro football again. He’s not getting his phone call in the Pen. And he’s not receiving one from any GMs.

The only thing J-Ran has left at this point is outdoing himself. And I know he will. He’s just getting started. Ripping some Fruit of the Loom and threatening to kill a deputy are just his pre-game. Joe Randle is the Joe Montana of jacked up headlines. And I swear on my lite and everything I have, he will beat this one.

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