At this point, I need to slam some joe, knock out a few pushups and slap myself in the face a few times to even say the name Johnny Manziel.
Deep breaths and smelling salts. Here we go.
You know what makes it easier? Just typing his name into a search bar to track the headlines and keep them straight. Give it try.
Type “Manziel” into Profootballtalk and check the schizophrenic ramblings that come back. And this is just from the past month.
“Johnny Manziel plans to go completely sober.”
“NFL to suspend Johnny Manziel four games for substance abuse.”
“Arena Football is interested in Johnny Manziel.”
“Manziel jerseys spotted at $1.99”
“Manziel laughs off his bargain basement jerseys.”
“Manziel says he’s healthy, still interested in football.”
“Report: Manziel punched a guy in the face at a wedding.”
That one checks in as the newest entry, as TMZ reports that during the rehearsal dinner, Manziel felt he was being hounded by another man – so he struck him in the face.
First of all, who throws the hands at the rehearsal dinner? It’s the happiest part of the wedding weekend. Everybody just showed up. Nobody has a flight in the morning. Just smash some crab cakes, fake-laugh at a few speeches, and watch that sappy slide show set to Green Day.
In fact I wonder if some uncle got up on the mic and gave a toast to Johnny – “Congrats on that punch, John – At least you finally threw something that connected!”
They should have. What do you expect when you invite Johnny Manziel to your wedding in Hawaii? I know you don’t expect his little “comeback” to last.
Wasn’t I just talking yesterday about him writing “I’m not what you read about. I’ll be back.”
Yeah ask that guy Manziel punched if Johnny isn’t what he reads about.
Now these stories are just recycling. A guy was hounding him? Just like the dude on the golf course who got Johnny to chuck a water bottle at him. John- guys are going to hound you for the rest of you life, bro. If you’ve had some drinks – and you see a very famous Heisman winner who blew his entire NFL career – guess what, It’s LIT!. You’re going to pop off at him. And apparently someone’s getting popped in the mouth… But sweet comeback you have going.
It didn’t start out on the right foot in a training camp. It started with a right hand in Hawaii. Aloha means goodbye.
Now let’s see if you can make it through the weekend without punching someone, trashing someone else’s house or totally someone else’s whip. And do me a favor, just put the phone down. I have much important things to talk about.