This just in: the NFL concluded its investigation into that Al-Jazeera America report that Peyton Manning used HGH. And come to find out, he didn’t. No HGH. And no roids of any sort. He’s clean.

How do we know? Because the NFL said so. You know… like, we’re the shield. We say he didn’t do it. So he didn’t do it. When was the last time we were wrong? About anything? Ever? Yeah, that’s what I thought.

What, you want proof? You want to know what the investigation consisted of? You want evidence? The evidence is, we said he didn’t do it!

Why do you think we’re the biggest thing in the world? Because we say and do whatever the hell we want and we say Manning never roided.

And you may as well just take our word for it. Because, you really don’t have any choice anyway. The cat’s retired, it’s not like we could punish him now, right?.  And why jack up a perfect hollywood ending.

Oh and that Tom Brady thing? Yep, still guilty! He messed with the football. But nope, Manning never messed with HGH or roids or anything else.

Nothing to see here, just keep moving.


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