Lyin’s World

It’s now Day “Whatever” of Lyin Ryan or LochtMess or whatever you want to call it, so here’s a quick recap. Ryan and three of his bros were robbed at gunpoint by fake cops, the other three dudes got on the ground, a gun was put to Lochte’s head, and that badass said simply, “whatever.” Then the gun might not have actually been put to his head. And then they might not have been actually robbed, but rather, they got smashed and then smashed up a gas station bathroom, and were confronted by a security guard, or guards, who either did or didn’t pull a gun on them. Confused? Welcome to Ryan Lochte’s world. Seriously. This cat is confused all the time.

I mean, let’s spin this back a few years. Remember when he was doing the rounds promoting his reality show and did this interview:

 

I mean, did you hear him describing the bathroom? Do we even know that he was trashed when he allegedly trashed that Rio bathroom or was he just puzzled by the layout? There’s like a mirror with a sink and then you have the bathroom…

And while everyone’s still a little baffled about what happened that night, I’m a lot more baffled about why he’d lie about it. And tell such a ridiculous lie about something so stupid.

Let’s be real – Ryan Lochte wouldn’t be the first Olympian to get hammered, act a fool, and destroy some property. And, I’m guessing he and his crew probably aren’t the first drunken idiots in Rio to, in TMZ’s words, “take a leak” where they shouldn’t have.

Look, we’ve all gone on a bender or two where it got away from us and we didn’t something regrettable. Hell, I probably will tonight. I don’t condone it, but that happens.

What doesn’t happen is the Olympian then comes up with a cover story. And not just a cover story, but a comic book cover story, about fake cops waving guns, demanding money, putting guns to foreheads, and Lochte being more badass than Clint Eastwood right in the middle of it all. He not only made up a story about getting robbed, but threw in the part about the muggers putting a gun to his head, and him pretty much just laughing in their face, while his teammates were face down on the pavement crying their eyes out.

What the hell was this moron thinking? If they keep their traps shut, and just roll back into the village, I’m guessing none of this would have happened. That’s the strangest part of the whole thing for me: what the hell was he doing concocting this stupid story for his mother? Like he needed some sort of cover as to why he was out past his curfew and didn’t want mommy to ground him and rip his IPad? That’s like something a 14 year old would do. Lochte’s 32. The way he described it, he didn’t have a pulse. When the reality is, he doesn’t have a brain.

After all, according to the New York Times, the four swimmers were apparently told by the State Department to keep a low profile, not talk about the incident, and just head home. Think about that. The State Department, the entity charged with international relations for the United States of America had to get involved with four swimmers who got drunk and wrecked a gas station bathroom.

So what did Lochte do? He jumped in front of a camera with Billy Bush. And then chased that by talking to Matt Lauer later.

The State Department, his own government, tells him to shut his mouth, but he can’t help himself. There’s a mic and a chance for this pub hound to get some more run, so, lights, camera, JEAH!

This cat is five minutes from making a sex tape with a Kardashian in an attempt to secure 15 more. Hell, whatever it takes Lyin. Even if means leaving your boys behind in Brazil to take the fall for you.

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