Rough Weekend For Drunks

A couple of guys found themselves in the news for all the wrong reasons over the weekend.

Let’s start in Dallas where Texas Rangers reliever Jeremy Jeffress was picked up around 2:30 am on Friday for DWI. According to the Dallas Morning News an officer reported Jeffress’ breath smelled like alcohol and his eyes were “bloodshot, watery and glassy,” the warrant says. He told the officer that between 12:15 and 1:15 a.m., he had three or four cups of Hennessy cognac mixed with Coca-Cola.”

HOLD UP. Three or four cups? Of Henny and Coke? Who refers to their drinks as “cups”? And just how big were those cups? Big Gulps? They had to be pretty big because the paper continued: “During sobriety tests, he could not keep his balance or stand on one leg, an affidavit said. He also urinated on himself.”

Yep, the reliever relieved himself. My man. Not a good night at all. Sad trombone.

Totally inexcusable to drive under the influence in this day and age. Not when there are any number of options that are just a click away on your phone. But even worse when you cap things off by soaking your shorts. Your job is to relieve other pitchers, not relieve yourself, on yourself.

But Jeffress wasn’t alone. FSU strength coach Vic Viloria was found shortly after 5am on Saturday morning asleep at the wheel of his truck on an off-ramp from the freeway in Tallahassee, with his truck still in drive and his foot on the brake.

The Tallahassee Democrat reports that he had “traveled up an embankment, nearly missed a utility pole before he was pulled over. Viloria hit an electronic cross-walk sign while driving up the embankment.” The coach told police that he had a number of “big” drinks in his office on campus and that he should not have been driving.

Uhhh, Vic, what the hell are you doing having multiple “big” drinks in your office? You’re the strength and conditioning coach. Body is temple. You should be guzzling Muscle Milk, not Maker’s Mark. More smoothies and fewer margaritas. And you definitely shouldn’t be driving afterwards.

We all have our demons, but if you’re the strength and conditioning coach at FSU, what’s got you so stressed that your reaching for the booze like that? Your job is to make sure guys get below parallel on their squats, get full lockout on the bench press, and get max hip extension on their cleans. I’m not saying it’s an easy gig or that your job doesn’t matter, but it’s not like you’re coming up with the game plan. Your game plan is: get towel, jump around, wave towel. Pretty simple. And if one week out from the start of the season, you’re boozing like that, you need help. And a driver.

Oh and who drinks at work?? One thing to be overwhelmed and stressed out and hitting a bar on the way home. But slamming drinks at work? Who the hell even has liquor in their desk at work? Besides alcoholics, I mean. I really don’t have a background in this type of thing, so maybe I’m not qualified to speak on it, but it seems to me, if you can’t get through your work day without getting hammered, you probably have a drinking problem. And definitely need some help.

And good luck getting your players to buy in and eat and do all the right things when you’re at work plastered.

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