Good Luck, Idiot Face

I’ll be real – if you’d told me on Friday that Johnny Manziel was going to be in the news after a three-day weekend and that a now-former NFLer had punched a senior citizen in the face, I would’ve said Johnny Football was Johnny Face punch. But he’s not. And even more shocking is the reason he’s in the news – for going back to school. What?!? From “it’s lit!” to English Lit!

Yep, Jonathan Manziel is going all Thornton Mellon. Well, sort of. He’s enrolled to take online classes. And he’s listed as a senior who’s pursuing a degree in “recreation, parks and tourism sciences.”

Good for him. But what exactly is the point of taking online classes towards getting a degree in recreation, parks and tourism sciences? So he can be a park ranger? Or teach dodgeball classes?

The department’s website says that you can find their graduates “working at resorts and hotels, on cruise ships, in the airline industry, in national and state parks and forests, at performing arts facilities and museums” and more. He does know that degree is for people who want to work at resorts, not party at them, right? I can see him kicking it on cruise ships, but I can’t see him working on one. I can’t wait for him to text some museum director to say “hurry up and hire me so we can wreck this cultural arts district together.”

Then again, maybe that’s why he was hitting the LA club scene so hard in the offseason. Maybe it was some sort of extra credit.

Don’t get me wrong. I’m all in favor of someone getting a college degree. Especially this guy. It shows some level of responsibility and a much better look than throwing on a Josh Gordon jersey and instagramming “hi dad” after his father called him a druggie.

I love the idea that Johnny Idiot Face might become Johnny Degree Face, but let’s not get carried away. It’s not like he’s moving back to College Station and sitting in lecture halls, going to the bookstore, and hanging out in the library with his study group. He’s taking online classes from LA, which means he might very well be checking in from the beach or the pool at The Standard. Then again, what better place to study recreation sciences than from a pool cabana?

And I love how some reports have made it sound like he’s “putting his NFL career on hold” while he does this. Ehhhh, not exactly. Putting something on hold means you’re getting calls about it. And getting offers and opportunities, but are turning them down to work on something else.

Trust me, if anyone, in any connected to the Shield, offered him a job, there’s no way turning them down to take online classes in parks and conservation. “I can’t hear you, I’ve got too many tourism brochures in my ear.”

Good luck, Jon. Study up. Because something tells me you’ve got a better chance of working at an NFL stadium than playing in one.

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