Lyin Lochte Is Under Attack

Our man Ryan Lochte is back in the news. Wait, let me reset that. Our man Lyin Lochte is back UNDER ATTACK. Literally.

Because in case you were wondering if there was a bigger loser in the world that Lyin, we found ’em.

There’s two of them. The Daily Beast reports they’re Sam Sododeh, age 48. And Barzeen Soroudi, age 40. These two dudes decided to storm the stage on Monday night’s live taping of DANCING WITH THE STARS, dressed in matching anti-Lochte t-shirts and hell-bent on “attacking” the Gold-Medal winning swimmer:

We’re an hour into Ryan Lochte’s fifteen minutes of fame, but credit to that doofus, he just keeps finding ways to get in the news. So of course it was no shock that he accepted a spot on Dancing With The Stars. That pub addict wouldn’t trade ten gold medals for that invite. He made his debut last night, dancing the Foxtrot to “Call Me Irresponsible.” GET IT?!? Because for a 32-year-old man, he’s not very responsible. I don’t know if that was a producer’s decision or maybe someone who responsible for this cat’s branding, but whoever it is, go ahead and double his or her salary because that is freaking GOLD!

Let’s just say his moves on land were pretty much what you’d expect from a guy who spends most of his time in the water. And as the judges were announcing his score, protestors stormed the floor. 

 

Yes, let me repeat, “protestors” stormed the floor. They were protesters. But they weren’t protesting police violence or civil rights. They were protesting Ryan Lochte. Not a cause.  But a bag. Reportedly, one of the men said the following as he was being hauled off by DWS security:

“We want to publicize that this is a bad decision to have a liar be publicized as a star,” the Daily Beast reports.

Dude, we know. We don’t like it either. But there are better ways to handle that. And it starts by NOT WATCHING 23 SEASONS of DANCING WITH THE STARS.

I’m not sure what’s more embarrassing, two guys rushing the floor at Dancing With the Stars or the fact that they were photographed wearing white shirts with Lochte and a line through his name.

Really? That’s what you’re going to battle over? I mean, is that dope really worth spending a few nights in jail over? A washed up swimmer and liar who just wants pub? And you just gave him exactly what he wanted, so congrats for that.

And no, I’m not convinced that this is entirely on the up-and-up, because frankly, nothing with Lochte is entirely on the up and up. Remember, this is the guy who was allegedly held up at gunpoint by fake police officers with guns. Except he wasn’t. How else would we know that Lochte was on Dancing With the Stars and that it started last night if there weren’t two guys in goofy shirts there to attack him? If you’d told me that he’d paid off a couple guys to attack him, I wouldn’t be surprised at all.

Then again, when the camera cut back to Lochte, he looked a little shocked. Or confused. Or like someone had just asked him to describe a bathroom.

That didn’t look like a guy who stared down the barrel of a bazooka in Rio and said, “whatever.” It looked like the guy who stared down an SAT test and said, JEAH!

Speaking to Tom Bergeron after the incident, Lochte said there were “so many feelings are going through my head right now.” right.  But you said to that guy with the tank and the rocket launcher in Rio, whatever.

Seriously, I think I speak for the entire planet when I say couldn’t be less interested or less entertained by this dude’s whole act right now. Please, just go away. It’s over and unfortunately, for bags like you, you’re the last guy to know it.

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