Feel Better, Bills Mafia?

The Buffalo Bills have a big game tomorrow night against the Jets. Actually, Rex Ryan has a big game tomorrow night against the Jets. Because the Bills will survive this season, no matter what happens, but the same can’t be said for Rex, so the big dawg needs this one badly. Can’t start the season 0-2, with both losses coming against teams he used to coach.

So the question is: what can Rex do to make sure the team comes out and does more than put up the 7 points and 160 yards that they managed against Baltimore on Sunday? He has to be hoping that Sammy Watkins is ready to go, but don’t get it twisted. He’s got a little more than that in his back pocket. In fact, way more than that.

He’s that proverbial wounded animal, backed into a corner; and that’s when he’s most dangerous. When a dude like that has his back to the wall, that’s when he’s MOST dangerous. So when he comes out swinging. That’s the type of dude who comes off the rope throwing and landing haymakers. Best believe, it doesn’t get real until the big fella tastes his own blood.

And he has. Which means that is bad news for the opponent; especially when the opponent is the team that kicked you to the curb. So he has a plan, all right. So… what is it? Rex told the New York Post this week that he had his lap band removed….

He told the Post that it’s all about brother Rob, who was having issues with his lap band, so Rex took his out in solidarity: “I told him, we’ll figure this out together [without the Lap Band]. Plus, I won more games without it than did with it in.”

There you go, Bills Mafia. He’s got this. You really think, staring the barrel of 0-2, and going up against his former team, Rex Ryan wouldn’t have a plan to knock those chumps out. Why even play that game. Just put in the win column, because Rex is ripping off his lap band.

Feel better, Bills Mafia? You know what would make you feel even better than that. If the dude did something to spark that anemic offense. Maybe you focus on running it up the gut instead of how to improve your own gut. Talk about moving deck chairs on the Titanic. This is worse than I thought.

Arguably the biggest week of your coaching career and you’re talking to the Post about lap bands? And saying that you had a better winning percentage as a fat guy than as a not-as-fat guy? Nothing says you’ve got things under control like ripping out your lap band as a way to get wins. Nothing tells your guys, I’m not panicking, we’ve got this like announcing to the world you’re about to get fat again.

Where’s the Rex Ryan swagger? Where’s the dude who rolled into his introductory presser with the Jets in 2009 and declared: “With all the cameras and all that, I was looking for our new president back there” And then said You know, I think we’ll get to meet him in the next couple years anyway.” Never mind that you had a losing record with the Jets and that we’re about to have a second presidential election since you made those remarks and you’re closer to being the President than you are to winning a Super Bowl.

What happened to that guy? What happened to the big dude with the big attitude? The head coach who was bumping his gums about snacks? The badass who refused to play second fiddle to the Giants? The gunslinger who was there to kick Belichick’s ass, not kiss his rings?

Sure, you were wrong on just about everything you said, but at least you went down swinging. This guy doesn’t even sound like he’s doing that. Apparently his schematic advantage going into one of the biggest games of his career is that he plans on being fatter than he used to be.

I’d say coach ‘em up, Rex, but I’m not even sure that’s possible any more. But I do know this, Bills Mafia is tired of your act. And if you want to have any chance of getting them back, you best not let them come into your house and punch you in your face. There’s no such thing as a must-win game in Week 2. Except in this case.

Rex has to win this game. Has to. Lose this one and you can throw away that lap band for good. Because no owner, anywhere, cares about his defensive line coach weighs.

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