Baggier By The Second, Vol Fan

There’s nothing more annoying in sports than an overly confident fan base that has LITERALLY nothing to be confident about. Wait scratch that. There is ONE thing. An overly confident fan base who sets up a GoFundMe page for the opposing team’s quarterback’s impending funeral. Enter Tennessee Volunteers fans.

It’s Florida week on Rocky Top and no one is more confident than Vol fan, when in reality, no one should be LESS confident than Vol fan. Not sure if this is the year they finally get the W, but I do know they’ve already picked up the Triple-U. With Gator QB Luke Del Rio out for the game, Austin Appleby will get the opportunity to start and apparently get murdered on national TV, at least according to the Vol fan who set up this GoFundMe page:

“A young man named Austin Appleby, the back-up quarterback of the Florida Gators, will be pressed into action against the fearful Tennessee Volunteers defensive front-seven lead by head coach, Butch Jones. After a litany of savage, brutal & ferocious hits on the gridiron, our nation will have witnessed its nightmare. A murder on live television.

I could not imagine watching from my living room as my son was brutally murdured. To help his parents deal with the pain, suffering and mental anguish of being Florida fans, I have decided to make this GoFundMe in order to assist the family with the costs of tranportation, embalming & the funeral.

#jortslivesmatter

Go Vols.

Jorts Lives Matter? STRAIGHT FIRE! Only not.

Is this fan serious? Did he miss his team get taken to overtime by App State in Week 1 at home? Did he miss his team squeak out a win against Ohio on Saturday at home? And oh yeah, did he miss Florida take this “rivalry” behind the woodshed for the past 11 years? How are you going to plan the funeral for another team when your team’s been dead since 2004. You’re the Cleveland Browns of college football. Orange gamers. New coach every few years. And disappointing losses every. Single. Year… Including a guaranteed loss from Gator Nation.

Sure the Vols had hype coming into this year, but even at 3-0 they’ve failed to live up to it. But Appleby’s response is gold. He isn’t fazed by his impending funeral. If anything, he’s just trying to catch a bit of that scratch. “They’re having a little bit of fun. I’d love to get my hands on the GoFundMe if it’s NCAA approved. If they can get me some cash, that’d be awesome. I can use it. I’m getting hungry, plus I can pay for freaking gas for my scooter.”

His scooter?! Now I’m completely behind this cat. Never mind a CAR! This guy goes mo-peds around Gainesville. He’s already my favorite Gator and hasn’t even made his first start yet. .

And as for Tennessee fan, you’re getting baggier by the second. I’m not saying you can’t win this game: I’m saying you BETTER win this game: because you have never had a better look at it than you do right now; and never will have a better look at it.

Tennessee has to have this one: and not just because of all the junk their fans are running. Busted up gators, in your house: must win: vol fan: Gator nation is saying: GoFundMe? Gofundyourself!

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