Busted

We’re only two weeks into the Carson Wentz Era and already the Wentz Wagon is about to burst. Everyone is trying to figure out what makes this guy tick. How do you explain a guy coming from North Dakota State and leading the Eagles to a 2-0 start?

Philly is so amped they’re practically ready to slam a Wentz statue next to Rocky Balboa’s. The guy is too good to be true. No way he’s as squeaky clean and he appears. So of course everyone’s looking for dirt on him. And of course, the New York Post found it.

They reported yesterday that his long-time girlfriend from back home busted him. Damn it. You know if something is too good to be true, it probably is.

Yep. The red-haired wizard who has Philly eating out of his hand got caught. You knew it was only a matter of time, right? And dude got found out.

Oh, she didn’t catch him with another girl. But with a phone. While on a date. Oh, I see how it is: on a date with his lady, peeking his phone and probably swiping right on tinder, right?

You knew it. There’s no way Wentz was that good a dude. No one is. Oh wait, he wasn’t tindering. But he was on the phone. And he wasn’t surfing porn. He was watching game film. On his phone. On a date. I get that you have to pry a phone out of a young person’s hands to get them to put it down: I know, I have a teenage son and an 11 year old. But I don’t think Philly has to worry about whether or not this guy is getting his work in. When he’s getting it in, on dates with his girlfriend.

Are you serious? How utterly ridiculous is this guy? Philly fan, go ahead and build that dude his statue right now. Watching game film on a date? This guy is an animal. The grind never stops.

I know plenty of guys who’ll check their phone at dinner, and thumb out a quick text to a teammate or a coach. But I don’t know many that go into full dark room mode over apps before the main course.

What’s next? Bringing a small flat screen and a clicker to the restaurant? Slipping a playcard inside your menu?

I don’t recall hearing stories of RGIII trying to check out game film on a date. His own highlight reel, maybe, but not game film. Maybe my man J Goff should go iPad on the table for his meals. And yes, clones, I know the joke before you’re going to make it. JaMarcus Russell sneaking pies under the table when he went out to dinner. Jawalrus Ruffles doesn’t find that amusing. And neither do I.

And there’s nothing funny about Wentz watching tape while on a date. This young guy has figured out something that some ten year vets never get to: THAT THIS IS THE GAME DOUG!!

No wonder dude doesn’t look like a rookie. No wonder he looks so prepared. It’s because he is.

I have no idea how the hell this guy ended up at North Dakota State. But I know where he’s going to end up in Philly: in the postseason: and it’s going to happen sooner than later.

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