Pie-Thrower Speaks

And I know what a bunch of you are thinking: right, great game, Rome. The Patriots are awesome. Belichick’s the best. Whatever. Let’s get back to the dude throwing the pie into Kevin Johnson’s face.

Sadly, still no pictures, or video of the incident. How the hell that’s even possible I have no idea.

How in the world can some dude pie a public figure and then have that public figure beat him down and no one has video of that?!?  Honestly, that’s infuriating. Someone is not doing their job. But despite that, there is actually an update. The dude who did it, did an interview with the Sacramento Bee, from the slam, and insists it was quote, a  “very appropriate response to a politician who acts the way Kevin Johnson has acted.”

Sean Thompson, 32, was arrested for pie-ing Johnson and when you see his mug shot, it definitely looks like he got the worst of the exchange. Dude’s eye is dotted and it looks like he got stitched up as well.

It turns out, he used to be a big Kevin Johnson fan. Not from back when he was crossing up fools and dunking on Olajuwon. Thompson liked KJ when he first ran for mayor of Sacramento.

“He seemed like a really great guy. He struck me as a real humanitarian. A guy who wanted to do a lot for the people. It was a breath of fresh air. Except he never actually does anything. He never helps people. He never invests in programs, at least not nearly to the degree that needs to be done or that he says he will do. … He’s mostly just focused on this arena and, for a short time, the strong mayor initiative.”

So Thompson started to get a little disenchanted with the guard turned mayor. And as Johnson’s second term was winding down, he felt like he had to do something. But what do you do? How do you express your displeasure with the mayor? A blog post? A strong letter to the editor? No, a firm crust and a creamy filling.

“I felt the pressure to do something that I thought would at least symbolize and embarrass him so I decided to throw a pie in his face in a public situation like that. A pie was the most mild form I could go with while still trying to get attention for what I’m saying now.”

Forget for a moment that weaponizing a baked good is a crime, in fact, a felony: you cannot assault a public figure with pie. Like I said yesterday, it’s not like any idiot can’t just go online and learn how to make a pie. Put that aside…. I guess I see you working. Sort of. Not really. No, definitely not at all. I mean, listen to yourself Thompson:

Your thought process was: the guy’s time in office is running out, I’m feeling so much pressure, pressure to do something, pressure to change something, pressure  to go grab a pie and throw it in his face.

That’s what rolled you out the rack that morning? That was the thing that fully consumed you: that was your mission: Like if you didn’t hit him with a pie, you would’ve failed. You couldn’t have lived with yourself. You would have let everyone down: So how did it all go down? Well, according to Thompson it actually sounds pretty straightforward. See mayor. Pie mayor. Get punched in the face repeatedly by mayor. Allegedly. But if his mission made no sense, the strategy behind it, and the pie selection itself, was rock solid.

“It was a coconut cream pie. And I will say I picked a coconut cream pie because I knew there was a chance I might back out at the last minute and I personally really like coconut cream pie.”

You can’t say he isn’t smart. In fact, he’s brilliant. A criminal mastermind. If he punked out and decided not to commit the crime, he’d be able to eat the weapon and enjoy it. Nothing worse than deciding not to commit a crime and being stuck with a pie that you hate. That’s a double-whammy. But in the words of Kevin Harlan, “I hope it was worth it my friend because you’ve got a night in the clink coming up.”

There’s your update: it’s still not nearly enough: One, we need video. Two, we need to hear from Kevin Johnson; I need to hear from him, what was the first thing that went through his mind when this kooked rolled up on him packing coconut and cream heat.  And then, what did it feel like to repeatedly punch him in the face? If and when we get that, I promise clones, I will get it to you.


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