Another local business is offering some lame promotion that no one on the team will ever take advantage of.

This time it’s the V Live Club in Chicago who’s offering free lap dances for life to the Cubs players if they win the World Series.

Free lap dances for life? If we win? Talk about pressure! Forget the 108 year drought and the damn goat—we’ve gotta get those dances!

Nice try, V Live.

What they’re really offering is free advertising for themselves while every sports blog across the country picks this story up and runs with it like it’s some new, hilarious idea.

Because, I’m sure the dudes on Cubs want to be spotted in their own backyard in the strip club every night.

Because that’s what Rizzo, and Bryant, and Addison Russell want to be known for: kicking it at the strip club every single night: or even if they don’t, how are they supposed to say no? It’s free! Free is me! Isn’t that so, Addie.

Because I’m not sure none of these guys have any game at all off the field; and would truly struggle hooking up; especially after winning a World Series.

Newsflash, Club V: these guys win it all, and probably everything will be free for the rest of their lives in that town. Drinks. Eats. Strippers. Everything.

There’s no better town to win in, than Chicago; and if you’re one of the 25 to end the World Series drought there, you’re not paying for anything for the rest of your life.

And if you really have to offer something up as free for the rest of our lives, offer something that will be useful for the rest of our lives. Like a free Mercedes every year for the rest of my life: the local Benz dealership comes with that, then we’re talking.

What’s this club really offering? A chance for a famous athlete to come in and get totally compromised by losers with cameras running it straight to social media. Thanks but not thanks.

My point is—if you’re going to get something free for life—why is it never something you really want or need for life?

V Live isn’t doing this for the players: they know none of them will take them up on it: they’re doing it for themselves: they know the money they’ll make off getting their name out there this week is going to more than pay for the few times a Chicago Cub is brave enough to slide into the VIP booth at their club.

This isn’t a giveaway, it’s an advertisement. And now I feel like they owe me for talking about it.

Stop offering things for free that you know one will take you up on.


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