Forget Clemson and Alabama. The real winner of last night was Bicep Ref. You catch a glimpse of this guy? Then again, how could you not? He was filling up your screen every other play with an instant replay review.
The only thing that got more airtime than Bicep Ref was “Gimme Shelter” by the Stones. By the way, Rolling Stone Magazine may have nailed it years ago when they called it a quote perfect song. I’m not sure such a thing exists, but if it does, that’s the one. At least in the conversation with Stairway to Heaven…Baba O’Reilly. And Dramarama’s Anything Anything. Don’t act like you weren’t bumping Gimme Shelter during the commercials last night. You have nothing to apologize for if you were. In fact, you do, if you don’t.
But this isn’t about that: it’s about the Bicep Ref, Mike Defee from the Big 12. Dude is probably swinging a kettle bell as we speak. And I don’t blame him.
You don’t blast your biceps and triceps that hard and NOT take advantage of all the TV time you can get. This guy probably got word that he’d be working the national championship game a few months ago, went to the gym, and didn’t leave until right before game time. Literally every single day.
And here’s his workout calendar: Monday, bench. Tuesday, bench. Wednesday, incline bench. Thursday, bench. Friday, bench. Saturday, bench. Sunday, rest. Just kidding. Bench.
He singlehandedly broke Twitter last night, and with one look at his arms, he can probably break a car in two.
It was amazing to watch a game with nearly 200 of the most finely tuned, 5-star, athletes in America and the most jacked guy on the field is a 54-year-old dude in zebra stripes.
You could say his shirt was too small. He’ll tell you his muscles are too big. And I agree. This wasn’t some noob who rocks jeans to the gym, only to knock out a few lat pulldowns before ripping off a few gym selfies with motivational captions like: “The only easy day was yesterday.” Or “Pain is just weakness leaving the body.” With an iPod shuffle full of Jock Jams Volume 2. That’s not how you get 24-inch pythons like that. No, he’s a first one in, last one out kind of guy. And the WHOLE time is spent on the curls machine. Jamming out to Godsmack, Drowning Pool, Slipknot, System of a Down, and maybe even some old school Limp Bizkit.
Hell, I wouldn’t doubt he worked in a few shoulder presses on the sidelines during TV timeouts last night. In fact, I can all but guarantee a majority of Bicep Ref’s conversations start with, “How much you bench?”
You know Bicep Ref was flexing on every first down call. As he should. If you’ve got ‘em, flaunt ‘em. You made my man made Ed Hochuli look like Screech Powers. And I guarantee you, the only person more proud than Dabo Swinney last night was Mrs. Bicep Ref. She was probably waiting on the sofa for her husband to come home with a tall glass of Pinot for her and large bottle of creatine shake for him.
Respect, Mike. I’d say you’d should be drug tested, that’s a compliment by the way; but when I did do that back in the day when Hochuli exploded onto the scene, he was bent that I would quote question his integrity and had the NFL question me about my statements. So I’m not going to bring that up.
But I trust unlike Hochuli, you’ll accept this take for what it is: a compliment. Rock on bro: you’re an inspiration to all of us middle aged dudes who are trying to stay in the fit.