Idiot Face Promotions

Johnny Manziel will make his first promotional appearance since leaving the NFL. He will sign autographs in two memorabilia shops at Texas malls during Super Bowl week: 99 bucks for any item signed.

99 bucks to take a promotional photo with him.

50 for a selfie or any pic taken with a fan’s phone. He’ll also add inscriptions such as “Johnny Football” for $29.

The shock here is that there isn’t any shock at all. And that people think this is actually news. The only shock is that it took this long for him to end up in this place. How the hell else is this cat going to earn money? He sure as hell isn’t to do it playing football.

How else is he going to fund his permanent bender?: Oh and there is a catch. Even if you’re willing to pay $99 bucks for it, it doesn’t mean that he’ll just sign anything. Apparently, he’s not going to sign anything that isn’t universally thought of as “appropriate.”

In other words, if you bring him a bottle of fireball, he probably won’t sign that. Or you drop a coke straw on him, he probably won’t be allowed to sign that either.

I’ll tell you one thing you can be damn sure he won’t be signing: an NFL contract. Remember, his father had said he was afraid he wouldn’t make it to his 24th birthday: Well, he did. Last month.

How badly do you think he wants tell his old man, ‘tell me how my ass tastes!” After he did make it to his birthday.

And apparently is going to celebrate it, by going all Pete Rose, next month. Again, this is not that unusual. Plenty of guys retire and then hit that circuit. There’s a market for it, for certain guys, and its easy money once your career has ended. No difference. Manziel’s career is over. And dude has to do something to fund that 24/7 bender he’s on and it sure as hell won’t be football.

Being a professional athlete ain’t going to pay those bills, we know that. That ship has sailed. Question is, what loser is throwing down $99 bucks for a Manziel autograph or a photo. Or even $50 for a selfie? Other than collectors? And even if a collector pays $99 for it, he’s going to have to find a bigger loser to pay, what, $129 for it? Who’s doing that?

If you really want this guy’s autograph or pic or both, just post up at the nearest bar to where he’s signing, he’ll be there and soon as he’s done and you can get it for free an hour later.

This dude has got some stones; he’s one of the biggest busts in NFL history, one of the biggest disappointments ever, but he wants you to pay for his autograph?! Not just pay, but pay $99 bucks! All right John. But only if I can get JaMarcus Russell’s autograph and I’m not paying a dollar under $150 for his.

Easy to mock this cat and pile on; he’s one of the biggest trainwrecks ever. And ultimately, you had to know this guy was going to wash out: given his size, questionable talent, the fact that he likes to party way more than doing any actual work, and that Cleveland is where Q.B.’s go to die, of course, he was going to flame out. But I never thought it would happen this quickly or this spectacularly.

 

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