Hollywood, fresh out of ideas for the 20th straight year, is digging up shattered bones and playing straight into the hands, and wallets, of the clones.
Tonya freaking Harding is getting the biopic treatment–which means, all you sick freaks who badly want to see a highly produced reenactment of Nancy Kerrigan getting the club behind that blue curtain in Detroit can finally fulfill that demented fantasy.
The movie is called, I Tonya, and set to drop sometime in 2018.
Yeah, yeah…I know, I know.
Rome, did you say the movie is called I, Tonya? More like, whhhhhy Tonya!
Trust me. The producers will make their money back on this film. And then some.
I know there’s an audience for it. I read their stupid tweets and e-mails every day. Hell, one clone even uses the handle, @nancysknee to try and reach me.
Speaking of Nance. She told TMZ sports that the producers of I, Tonya never consulted her.
Why would they?
They don’t need your blessing or personal experience to make this movie. We already know what happened.
And this isn’t a sports movie where you bring in real athletes to consult on the technical aspects of the sport. This isn’t a movie about figure skating at all. It’s a movie about some scumbags who allegedly talked about slicing someone’s Achilles tendon but decided to just bust her kneecap instead. That’s not figure skating. That’s not Kristi Yamagishi and Tara Lipinski. That’s Martin Scorsese. That’s goodfellas. Or casino. So they don’t need your help, and they don’t want your help.
And considering you’ve never really ever talked about this in public, I’m going to assume you don’t want to give it to them anyway.
Predictably Nance also told TMZ she’s not going to see the movie. C’mon, Nance. Really?! Is that how it is?! Who wouldn’t want to throw down 20 bucks and load up on a bucket of buttered popcorn, Raisnets and Snowcaps and watch the cinematic depiction of your leg exploding into confetti by a goon with a baton. Lighten up, champ.
I’d ask you clones if you’re going to see this flick, but I already know the answer. You’ve been living it every day via email, texts and tweets for the last 20 plus years.
And make no mistake, while that may have been the worst thing that ever happened to Nancy, Tonya and the morons she rolled with, it was the best thing that ever happened to sport of figure skating. Taking nothing away from the awesome talents of Dorothy Hamill, Brian Boitano, Scott Hamilton and Kristi Yamaguchi, all of them together couldn’t begin to equal one big fat slug bouncing a lead pipe off one competitor’s knee.