Eat Like A GOAT

Tom Brady is back on the grind, getting his side hustle on as a part-time salesman slash entrepreneur. After sleeping a night on his $5,000 mattress, in his $200 glorified pajamas, errrr, performance sleepwear… You COULD reach for your $200 cookbook, to make a healthy meal to start your day… but why would you when you can now just straight up BUY the meal.

Blue Apron. Hello Fresh. Daily Harvest. Sunfare. And now TB 12.

Tom Brady, the greatest to ever sling a rock, is now slinging a meal kit subscription service. The goat wants you to quote…eat like a goat. Get it? He’s the goat. And this is what he eats. So you too, can eat like a goat. Except in this case, you really will eat like a goat. A billy goat. Because Tommy and his partners, Purple Carrot, are going 100% plant based and gluten free for their line of TB 12 boxed meals.

If you don’t know what a meal kit subscription service is, think IKEA for cooking. You get a box, packed with ingredients, delivered weekly to your door that you unpack, and cook for dinner according to the provided the instructions. It’s pretty simple. It’s pretty easy. It comes in a box, and you just assemble when it arrives. More and more people are choosing these kinds of meal kit subscription services over a run to the grocery store.

But, who the hell would want a meal prep service from a guy that doesn’t eat tomatoes because they’re not healthy enough for him? The guy has never once eaten a strawberry.?! I eat a strawberry, and I want a prize. Or some sort of lifetime achievement award. Strawberries are the new brussell sprouts. And this dude won’t even touch coffee. Not tequila, or vodka or gin, coffee. Well, obviously none of the adult beverages either.    Hell, he won’t even eat nightshades. What the hell is a nightshade? Nightshade? I’d sooner eat a LAMPSHADE than the crap he’s putting in that box. I mean, who the hell, other than Tom Brady would ever want to follow a regimen like that.

Umm…me! Brady is 39 and looks and plays like he’s 29. If that guy is gonna box up his secret sauce and slap a price tag on it, then the line to buy it starts behind Van Smack. And if I can save myself a trip to Whole Foods, where forgetting your reusable canvas bag is punishable by death, then I’m all in.

It’d be easy to crack Brady for his business ventures off the field. The guy is selling us $200 cookbooks and $100 rich guy jammies. This dude has become a walking, talking HSN. He’s not QVC. He’s QBVC. But I really have done a 180 here and flipped my thinking as it relates to this dude.

Fact is, even if you hate this guy, you have to admit, no one has ever been better positioned than Tom Brady to sell anything that makes you look and feel better. Check this guy’s life if you haven’t lately: Married to a super model. A woman who is not only gorgeous, but actually makes more money than he does. And he has more Super Bowls than any quarterback ever. And he’s the only dude in the history of the world to pull off wearing Uggz.

So homeboy is simply striking while the iron is hot. Getting his side hustle on… And living the NO DAYS OFF! LIFE THAT HIS COACH ESPOUSES. And… and… he’s actually letting us in on the type of fuel he’s running on. Don’t we always want to know how these guys do it? What they’re doing? But we never find out because they’re paranoid about anyone else finding about their process. Not ol TB12. He’s letting us in. Or has at least cracked the door open for us. And you can get some of that classified Intel now… As long as you’re willing to pay for it.

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