Overcoming Varsity?

It’s never good when an NFL Hall of Famer goes trending on Masters Sunday. And that was the case for Emmitt Smith yesterday.

In fact, I’m just going to say it. It might be time we confiscate the phones of every NFL great. NFL GOATs and smartphones are a modern day water and oil. They don’t mix.

Yesterday Emmitt tweeted: “Congratulations @TheSergioGarcia. Never say never!!! Way to persevere through a varsity.” 

Way to persevere through a varsity? A VARSITY?! You mean ADVERSITY, Em? I’m still not sure. And apparently neither is he. Because the tweet is still up. Still not deleted. Still not corrected.

Remember when Abraham Lincoln once famously said, “Nearly all men can stand A VARSITY, but if you want to test a man’s character, give him power.”

What I think he meant was, if you want to test a man’s character, give him a smartphone with a Twitter account.

A VARSITY?! As an athlete, there are certain words that should be embedded into your vernacular or vocabulary: … Words like resiliency, hustle, process, focus, physicality, momentum, intensity, chemistry.. and at the top of that list is ADVERSITY.

Yeah, I’m glad Sergio Garcia overcame A VARSITY too… But don’t forget to mention all of the junior varsity he overcame as well. I mean, damn. People who think a petty crime is a MR. MEANER, Attention Deficit Disorder is EIGHTY-HD, and that famous painting of straight faced lady hanging in The Louvre is the MOAN OF LISA think your “a varsity” blast is dumb. Hell, LeBron hitting us with SUGAR CODED in a tweet a few weeks ago is even laughing his ass off.

Now, look… I’m not going to destroy the guy completely. This could be more of a technology blunder than anything. If you use voice dictation, I can see where this could happen. But here’s a good rule of thumb. Whenever you hit up voice-to-text… make sure you proof before you hit send. If not, Siri will be quick to change “human being” to HUMAN BEAN… “from the get go” to FROM THE GECKO… “confiscate” to COFFIN SKATE.

I thought it was a telling sign when Emmitt and Jerry started to go gray beards. But this is worse. Because trust me, it doesn’t matter what you’ve done in your career. 18,355 rushing yards? All of them can come disappear with ONE typo.

Hell, Jerry Rice has 22,895 receiving yards and he’s slowly destroying his rap 140 characters at a time. “A VARSITY” is Emmitt’s describing the “CASH ME OUTSIDE video” or his “THANK GOODNESS IT’S TGIF” tweet.

Look, Emmitt spent 15 seasons running over every franchise in the league, but now the biggest A VARSITY he faces is Siri.

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