Coffee. Salmon. Apples. The obvious flavor staples of Seattle—a city known for pinky out espresso sips and some of the best seafood on the coast.
And now, thanks to the Mariners, you can add menu space for the newest delicacy of the 2-0-6: toasted grasshoppers. You heard me: toasted grasshoppers—served with a lime and topped with cayenne pepper.
Because nothing sounds more appetizing at a ballpark than dining on the preferred snack of birds and snakes.
Bag of peanuts? Nah. How about a bowl of insects instead?
Seriously, though. What is this? A baseball game or an episode of fear factor?
This is so Mariners, too. Doing anything to distract the world from their god-awful, last place, 2-7 baseball team. A team picked every year by experts to finally do something—but never do. A team that has wasted every season of Felix Hernandez’s brilliant 13-year career.
And so far, the $4 bowl of grasshoppers is working. Because that’s all anyone can talk about up there. Safeco Field sold out of hoppers on opening night. 13 freaking pounds of snake food. Gone. In the iron clad stomachs of the citizens with the most comically eclectic pallet in the world.
Leave it to Seattle to not only work grasshoppers into their ballpark menu–but to like it, too. This is a city famous for loving terrible stuff like vegan beer and deconstructed goat cheese. But you never know if anyone is telling the truth or just pretending to like it because it fits the personality of the top-button buttoned, skinny jeans, granola hipster capitol of the world.
Who knows what the 11,000 loyal fans busting the turnstiles every home game actually think about the bowl of grasshoppers because it’d be way too cliché for them to do the right thing and just grab a hot dog instead. A hot dog? At a baseball game? Not in Seattle, bro. We’d rather slam a bowl full of toasted insects.
Of course it’s the grass smokers of the pacific northwest that would make grasshoppers a new go-to for a mean case of the munchies. You’d have to be pretty ripped on the medical grade chron up there to start looking on the sidewalks and in the bushes for grub.
Look, I haven’t tasted the grasshoppers, so I really can’t say if they’re good or not, but I’m sure anything is easier to swallow than a 16th straight season without the playoffs.
When all anyone is talking about is the food you serve and not the games you play, it’s not a good thing, Seattle.