Signal Fat Alarm

I’ve always said I have never understood your fascination with celebrities or public figures’ weight gain: especially nearly 100 % of you doing it could all stand to push away from the table and mix in salad.

Yet there you are, every single time; and if a singer, or an actor gains as much one or 50 pounds, you are ready to crucify them. And even worse, there to run back to me. As if I care… When you know I don’t. It’s not what I’m about. It’s not what this show is about…

Have you ever heard me once, bust out of a break and do some long rant about how fat, I don’t know…. Steven Seagal has gotten…like damn Rome, Steven Seagal, or Eatin Seagal?. Steven Seagal, or Stuffin Seagal, putting Golden Corral Under Siege…take you to the bank, Senator Trent. The food bank!!!

Is there some sort of google alert you get for celebrities that gain one pound?. You clones are like, “battle stations!!. This is not a drill!. This is not a drill!.” And then you sound your fat alarm!

I really have never understood it.

That said: when an athlete has precipitous weight gain, that is fair game… Athletes are different… Their body is their money maker… Body as temple… And if they don’t take care of their bodies, it affects performance. And that is fair game.

You can crack athletes that don’t have the pride or discipline to take care of themselves and prepare to go to battle. Some athletes have literally eaten themselves right out of job or an even a career. One guy who could well be on his way, is Panthers wide receiver Kelvin Benjamin, who took some serious heat in April when it was rumored that he weighed in at 280. Two eighty! The Panthers denied that he weighed that much but Ron Rivera did admit he came in “a little heavy.”  If Rivera copped to Benjamin being a little heavy, I’m going to assume Rivera thought he was fat.

Then this week, some video and pics surfaced. You don’t want to overreact to a six second video, but he looks doughy as hell, slow out of the gate, and didn’t run an especially sharp route. Then a picture goes viral today, where he looks, well, downright, fat: nevermind wide receiver, he’s starting to look like a left tackle.

Yahoo’s Charles Robinson had this unbelievable tweet, with two pics of Benjamin, side by side, with the caption: “craziest thing about this comparison is Panthers Kelvin Benjamin is wearing shoulder pads on the left and doesn’t on the right.”

He’s right. Dude is twice the size on the right than he is on the left and he’s wearing pads on the left. He looks like the dude he used to be. His face is all chiseled on the left and he looks like, well, the way an NFL receiver is supposed to look. In the other pic, he looks like, well, twitter took care of that for us… @loadedbox tweeted: Kelvin Benjamin is the kid who’s too old to go trick or treating that’s trying to squeeze into a youth football jersey.  Abake6 tweeted: Kelvin Benjamin looks like he hate Eddie Lacy. Pwnteam tweeted, Kelvin Benjamin has been practicing with Ham Newton this offseason. All day ba83 tweeted Kelvin Benjamin looks like he has some kid’s punt, pass and kick competition jersey on. And there’s plenty more where that came from.

Even worse, he told the team website last week, “I need to be in the best shape of my life.  That’s what we’re getting to. I have to get back to being dominant.”

You have to be in the best shape of your life or worst shape of your life? Because dude looks like he’s 30-40 pounds overweight. At least.

Maybe, we’re all being unfair. Maybe we’re all overreacting to that one six second video.  Maybe the video lies. Maybe he was told to go half or three quarter speed. Maybe it was the last route at the end of a long day. But it sure looks like he’s being doing fewer in and out routes and more in and out runs. Dude looks fat.

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