Well, well, well. Looks like the Ryan Brothers pathetic showing at that Margaretville in downtown Smashville might come with some legal consequences. Hell, who knew you couldn’t just lobster claw some dude’s throat? Apparently not Rob Ryan—who reached for the neck twice of that buck-eighty dude who was handling him and his brother Rex with one arm. Lucky for Rob—his son is more mature than him and had the presence of mind to hold him back before things got even worse.

Turns out, this isn’t over yet. Because the dude that put Rex on skates and then got throat grabbed by Rob, went and filed a simple assault charged with the local police.

Look, I’m not about to sit here and tip my hat to the loser who got in an embarrassing bar fight and then filed a report. I mean, as boneheaded as Rex and Rob are, this dude must have done something to provoke them, right? Every bar has one. The tool who spies a celeb and immediately starts wondering, what can I do to get my 15 minutes? What can I do to get my 15 grrr.

So, no—there’s no hero here. Just three bags in a dust up. And a couple of unemployed coaches who should have known better—but not surprisingly—didn’t. 

The big boys walk around like they’re the two smartest dudes in the world. But aren’t smart enough to get hooked by some tool in a bar. Even then getting hooked and bumping your gums is one thing. But getting hooked and trying to choke out some nobody or attempting to give him the hands is entirely different.  Of course he filed charges. Of course, the cops are involved.

Not only did the big boys get hooked, again, but it happened in —broad daylight in the most public place ever—downtown Smashville… on a Sunday, a day after Game 3 of the Stanley Cup Final.

Drink in the face or no drink in the face—you can’t be going for some dude’s throat. Because if your either one of those big boys, even if you win that bar fight, you lose.

ESPN says it will investigate the manner, so Rex is already on their radar for all the wrong reasons and he hasn’t even worked a day for them yet. Sometimes dudes look better when they let their hands go; think Bryce Harper. And sometimes they look like even bigger tools than the guy they’re giving the hands too. Think Rex and Rob Ryan.

But here we are. Here the bleep are.

Nice going boys. Maybe drink at home next time since you can’t handle doing it out in public.

 

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