That’s Two For Blake

I made history earlier this week by opening the show with Blake Bortles and the Jacksonville Jaguars. And the only thing crazier than doing that once is doing it twice in the same week. Totally unprecedented, but they give me no choice. And yes, they’re going to….steal the show.

So you can save those tweets, I’ve got it covered.

Here’s the thing – I want to get on the Jags bandwagon. And I know Jags fans want to as well. But that love is unrequited thanks to one Robby Blake Bortles. The Jags lost to the Bucs in a game that was every bit as ugly as the 12-8 final score would indicate. And as further proof that numbers don’t tell the whole story, Blake Bortles went 8 for 13 for 65 yards, no picks and no interceptions. You look at that box score and you’d think, well, that wasn’t that bad. And you would be wrong. Because it was terrible, even by Blake Bortles. Even by Blake Bortles Pre-Season Standards, which is grading on the kindest curve of all.

What was your favorite Blake Bortles moment from last night? Was it the play-action fake to an invisible running back? Or the one-hopper to Allen Robinson he threw on the same play? Or was it when Robinson beat his cover by five yards and Bortles underthrew him by three yards? Some of those passes were so bad it didn’t look like he was underthrowing Robinson, it looked like he was throwing to someone else. Except there was no one else there.

Let’s flashback for a moment to the practice earlier this week when Bortles overthrew Robinson.

 

If he was dropping a bleep every other word in a practice, what was Robinson doing last night? I’m surprised he didn’t go all Jeff Gillooly on Bortles knee after the game. And I wouldn’t have blamed him if he did.

It got so bad that Jags fans were actually rooting for Chad Henne to come into the game. Do you know how bad that is? That’s officially rock bottom when you think that Chad Henne might make a situation better. That’s like getting repeatedly punched in the face and then saying, hey, kick me in the junk, maybe that’ll feel better. Because it won’t. And it didn’t

And afterwards, head coach Doug Marrone dropped this beauty on Blake’s head: “It’s not like he’s not the quarterback.”

It’s not like he’s not the quarterback. Is this a Tom Jimsula-style riddle? Does that mean he is the quarterback or that he’s not the quarterback?

I don’t blame Marrone for going with double-speak. I’m surprised he didn’t just run into the press conference like that Michigan women’s basketball coach back in the day.

 

If Marrone had done that, I’d have totally understood. Instead, he took a more measured approach, but you can tell the guy is sick to his stomach: “I met with both quarterbacks afterward. I told them what I’m looking for is I’m looking for someone that’s gonna lead this offense. I’m not happy with the performance today. I’m not gonna sit here and B.S. anyone. I mean, everyone saw it out there. Whatever you want to call it. I’m still trying to evaluate who the best person is at that position — I told that to both quarterbacks — to lead the offense.”

Let me save you some time, coach. Whatever you’re looking for, you won’t find it in your quarterback room right now.

Everyone knows the old saying, that if you have two quarterbacks, you really have none. But the truth is, if you have Blake Bortles and Chad Henne, you don’t have two quarterbacks. You don’t even have zero quarterbacks. They’re like negative quarterbacks. At this point, they’d be better off just having Leonard Fournette running the wildcat all day. At least he’d bleeping keep the bleep inbounds, bro. Bleep.

How can you be four years into the league and really not be that much better than when you first entered the league: I know this. Watching him last night, he’s still no better than he was even last year. He’s still making all the same mistakes. He’s still missing receivers who are wide ass open. Still making bad decision with the ball. And still can’t make the easiest throws. Seriously, I think the guy is playing the wrong position.

Honestly, watching him last night, I think he’s honestly playing the wrong sport. He’s 11-34 overall as a starter, which gives him the worst winning percentage of any q.b. taken in the top three of the draft since 1967, with at least 40 starts… According to ESPN.

Oh, and he’s thrown 11 pick sixes. And astonishing and awesome number… 11! So Bortles, in a make or break season, isn’t getting better, he’s getting worse.

And the Jags should have known that and brought someone, anyone other than Chad Henne to compete with Bortles for this guy… Because, again, there’s a lot to like about this Jags team, but not even one of their quarterbacks… How the hell could they not have known that when every last person sitting at home did.

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