The whole country has Eclipse Fever. Krispy Kreme is busting out some eclipse donuts. Moon Pie and Hostess Cup Cakes are in a twitter feud over who is the official snack cake of the eclipse. One of you knuckleheads has tried to gloss this “gimme back my sun” day.

And no, there is no Monday jukebox so you dopes can’t come in with your oh-so original Bonnie Tyler and Black Hole Sun resets. I’m about as interested in those as I am in your wickedly creative Sandy Duncan tweets today.

Everyone is busting out wacky glasses or trying to make a pinhole camera for the event. And of course those who couldn’t get glasses will be going 21st century with it and holding their phones over their shoulders in selfie mode, so that they can watch the eclipse without looking directly at it. Warning: that is not an endorsement of that idea.

So naturally, with everyone talking about the eclipse, it was only a matter of time before one Nicholas Lou Saban weighed in. Well, he didn’t exactly weigh in, someone asked him about it as his press conference and you can imagine how well that went.

 

Now we’ve reached the point where people are just lobbing up questions for Saban to be grumpy about.

Because there’s no way that was actually a serious question and there was no way that reporter actually thought that they were actually going to take special precautions with the team regarding the solar eclipse.

Of course he went all bittermen with it. That’s his shtick. He’s bitter about everything. The guy hates winning national titles because they take time away from recruiting. You really think he’s going to get excited about a rare natural event?

The best part of the answer is that Saban is staring down the reporter, sucking something from a big cup through a straw, and just looking for a reason to go. And by go, I mean a way to remind everyone how miserable he is and how truly and utterly focused on Alabama football he is. We get it, Nick, you’re really into football and pretty focused on it.

First of all, I’m surprised he didn’t try to claim that he didn’t know there was an eclipse. But even Nick knew that it would be ridiculous for him to try to claim he didn’t know about the eclipse, and this is a guy who claimed he didn’t know there was an election last fall.

But that’s how big the eclipse has become. So big that it infiltrates even Nick Saban’s world: “I watch the Weather Channel every day. They’re already saying what it’s going to look like in every city in America. So, what’s going to be significant? Watch the Weather Channel and you’ll see what it’s going to be like in Portland, Oregon.”

Great take, Nick. I’ve seen it on TV, so why bother seeing it in person. Of course. That’s the most Saban answer ever, because it includes the Weather Channel, his favorite channel, and a total indifference and borderline disgust with anything in the world that isn’t Alabama football.

The only way that answer could’ve been more Saban is if he somehow shoehorned “Little Debbie” and “trust the process” into the answer.

 

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