In probably the least surprising news of the NBA offseason: Dwyane Wade is a Cleveland Cavalier. Because of course he is. LeBron missed on CP3. Then he missed on Melo. You knew he wasn’t about to go OH-for with the Banana Boaters this offseason.

And now, Dwan-yay and Bron are reunited once again. Throwback Thursday’s comin’ at ya a day early. Which should be no surprise if you saw the way these two would yup it up like a pair of giddy middle school B.F.F.’s whenever they got together. Frankly, it wasn’t a matter of if… or even a matter of when… it was a matter of where. And C-Town is your answer. Cleveland D-WADE’S for you!

But the only thing this move really does is solidify the Cavs as the early favorites to win the 2013 NBA Finals. Because let’s be real, this signing is about 4 years too late. This kind of feels like when the Cavs signed Shaq… Not the dominant Shaq who ripped rings for the Lakers and Heat. The on-sale, busted down retirement tour Shaq who spent more time pimping Icy Hot patches and stuffing himself into Buicks than he did on the actual court.

Don’t get swept up in it. This isn’t Cleveland pulling off some big time NBA signing… this is them just adding a travel buddy to the roster for Bron. Anything to keep the King happy, right?

This is just adding another beat down car to their nearly full lot. Cleveland is staring to feel like the NBA’s salvage yard. They just scooped up a beat down Dwyane. They’ve already got Derrick Rose, who, at this point, is just a pile of rubbage in a basketball uniform. And even their shiny new toy Isaiah Thomas has a busted up hip. Really, Cleveland is starting to shape up like an island of misfit toys and Bron is Rudolph.

Who else is next on the Cavs target sheet? Theo Ratliff? Doug Christie? Maybe give Travis Best a workout? Anyone have Eddie Jones’ number? But hey, stay hot Cleveland.


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