If I’m doing a take on soccer, or US Women’s National Team to be more specific, odds are it’s not good. And guess what. It’s not… again.

If it’s Abby Wambach getting a DUI… or Hope Solo getting busted for booze and traces of marijuana on the night before her wedding, where she instructed partygoers not to cooperate with police. Or Hope Solo facing two counts of fourth-degree assault based on a claim that she drunkenly attacked her half-sister and nephew. You remember, it was when HOPE SOLO IS GOING PSYCHOTIC!

Or Hope and hubby Jeremy Stevens getting busted for drunkenly joy riding a Team USA van.

Seems like every time I talk US Women’s National Team, it’s because one of them just got mug shotted, or DUI’d or…. now… kicked out of Disney World’s Epcot Center.

According to the Orlando Sentinel, Alex Morgan and five others were kicked out of Epcot after Epcot managers told police they were “impaired and verbally aggressive.”

A deputy also wrote the following about Morgan: “I observed a white female, who was later identified as Alexandria Morgan yelling, screaming and taken [sic] video and possibly pictures. She appeared to be highly impaired.”

And for lack of a better term, here’s the kicker. The deputy also added Morgan was heard making “a loud verbal statement” that she knows the Orlando SWAT team. Whoa, whoa, whoa. Hold up. WHAT?! It’s one thing to drop a “DO YOU KNOW WHO I AM” bomb on the FIVE-OH… but this is an entirely new one. Alex dropped a “I KNOW THE ORLANDO SWAT TEAM” bomb.

I mean, damn. How did the cops not let her go right there?

You know the Orlando SWAT team? Well, in that case… go ahead and continue to twerk on Mickey Mouse. Please, continue to act like a drunken mess as you ride Spaceship Earth. Go right ahead and throw up all over the Hall of Presidents. I didn’t know you knew the ORLANDO SWAT team!

Since when did Disney flip from the happiest place on earth to the humble Braggiest place on earth? Then again, I’d LIKE to call that a humble brag… but it wasn’t that humble… AAAAND is claiming to know the SWAT team really a brag? That’d be like being escorted out of an NBA game and claiming… “I KNOW AIR BUD!” So what? That has nothing to do with anything.

Look. of all the bad looks our country’s women’s soccer team has gotten over the years, and there have been some bad ones, this might be the worst. Next time, just hit the Mickey police with a DO YOU KNOW WHO I AM blast, and fast pass your way on to Test Track or something.

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