Another massive sports weekend. NFL, MLB playoffs, college football, there are plenty of things to talk about. The Giants disastrous season managing to get worse than ever. J.J. Watt snapping his leg. The Chiefs going to 5-0. The Yankees and Red Sox managing to stay alive in their series. Iowa State upsetting #3 Oklahoma… An allegedly good Michigan team losing to a not-so-good Michigan State team. Again.
I almost never say this, but there is almost too much to talk about. I’ve got enough material for a week of shows, but I’m probably not going to get too much of it at all because of a video that popped up online. And if you haven’t seen the video, you haven’t been online in the last 24 hours because it’s everywhere.
He allegedly shot the video himself, before a meeting and it was allegedly posted by a Las Vegas dancer to whom he sent the video.
That’s a description of the video, but that still doesn’t answer the question: WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT?
I’ve been in this business for a minute or two and have seen some things, but I’ve never seen anything like an NFL offensive line coach appearing to be blasting rails of cocaine before heading to a meeting, so we’re in some uncharted waters, or fresh powder, if you will. I saw that video and my first thought was, to quote a legendary Olympic sprinter:
There’s never been a bigger uh-oh in the history of this show. An offensive line coach doing rails before heading to a meeting? Are you serious? And clones, save your, what’s the big deal Rome: maybe dude just wanted to get that little concentration bump you can only get from the booger sugar before a big meeting.
The team issued a statement yesterday that read: “We were just made aware of the video and will have no comment at this time.”
They should now. Because Foerster has already resigned.
Foerster has worked in the NFL for 24 years and has had two stints with the Dolphins. It is worth noting that it’s not clear when the video was shot. It might not have been recent: but that’s neither here nor there, because he’s no longer there. And the reason he’s not, is he because he was caught on video hoovering the Bolivian marching powder. From a Dolphins office, no less: UH-OH!
U to the H to the O to the H.
Foerster was bumping the powder in the office?!? There are so many problems with that. First off, an offensive line coach should be coaching lines, not snorting lines. I know, I know clones… coffee in the morning, cocaine afternoons. Right.
And then to the very obvious: Dust is obviously the devil. And this guy obviously has a problem with the Pearl…but the only thing dumber than blasting toot before entering a meeting, is blasting toot before entering a meeting and shooting video of yourself doing it and sends it to their girl because they miss them? I totally get missing someone. And I totally get wanting to reach out and make a connection. If you’re in a long distance relationship or just away from your gal for a while, you’ve got to figure out a way to keep things fresh and keep the spark alive.
But is sending a video of yourself doing blow really the way to go about doing that? Especially if you’re dropping lines like: “Hey babe, miss you, thinking about you. How about me going to a meeting and doing this before I go?”
Hey baby, I really miss you. Check out this video of me hitting this Colombian Bam Bam.
And then snorting a line and chasing that with “There’s those big grains falling, but I miss you. I miss you a lot.”
SNORT. And then “What do you think, I’m crazy?”
I can’t speak for the lady in question, but no, I don’t think you’re crazy, I think you’re maybe the dumbest man on earth.
Allegedly doing coke is dumb. Allegedly doing coke before a meeting is dumber. Allegedly doing coke before a meeting and rolling a camera on it is dumber still. And allegedly doing coke before a meeting, rolling a camera on it, and sending that video to someone else who could post it at any time, is simply the dumbest thing ever. She could be the most loyal lady and that powder could be the best powder ever, and it’s still the dumbest thing ever. Even the best case scenario with a video like this is still the worst case. And no, it doesn’t matter how the video is: not if it’s a video of one of your employees, smashing the Big Rush in one of your offices.
And yes, we don’t know that he’s snorting yeyo. I mean, I guess it could be confectioner’s sugar, but when was the last time someone shot a video of themselves snorting confectioners sugar and sent that to a lady? Never. The odds of that being powdered sugar and not booger sugar is absurdly low. Then again, anything is possible, because I would’ve said that the odds of a NFL assistant coach doing pearl before a meeting at the facility would have been non-existent and that appears to have happened.
Dude is in serious trouble, needs serious help, and on top of all that, needs to find a job. . It’s the dumbest story I’ve ever seen and I’ve seen some seriously dumb stories. But just because Foerster appears to be the dumbest man on Earth, doesn’t mean I need your dumb takes. Drugs are a serious issue, so I’m not interested in your tweets from The Rock talking about Miami football. Or Dustin Johnson. Or your tweets about bump and run, or if you have a mature, nuanced take, I’ll listen to it. Otherwise, sit this one out.