Stop whatever you’re doing. Seriously. Stop whatever you’re doing and go follow JuJu Smith-Schuster on Twitter right now. Because that game of hide-and-seek he played on Sunday in the end zone after his house call, the best celebration of the NFL season, is still only about one tenth as entertaining as what’s playing out on his feed right now.
Know this—my man is 20 years old. He doesn’t have a driver’s license. And he rides a pedal whip to practice every day. Yes—JuJu Smith-Schuster—a professional football player for the Pittsburgh Steelers, with millions in the bank—pedals to work. Hey, the dude loves his bike. He lives near the facility. He’s into it. I respect that. I’m Team Bike. I’m a proud member of Bike Nation.
And that’s why this video he posted yesterday around noon was so devastating.
Man, I hate to hear that. I. HATE. TO HEAR THAT!
So, after he realized his two-wheeler had been lifted—dude posted a picture of him and the whip and said, “I hope it’s not the end of an era. #TeamFindJujusBike”
He chased that with another tweet that just read, “Mood,” with a crying emoji, a broken heart emoji, and the track “Best I Ever Had,” by Drake.
This is when the thing started to take off. Because then his dude, Antonio Brown jumped in calling for help. Hell, so did Bryce Harper—both of them hashtagging TeamFindJujusBike. And fans were all over it, too.
That’s when our pal and director of communications for the Steelers, Burt Lauten decided to jump in front of this viral story. Burt tweeted from his own personal account: “For all the newsroom people out there, please do not text/call/tweet or DM me for a comment on a missing bike. Though I hope he finds it, I also have bigger fish to fry. Thank you.”
STRAIGHT. PUBLIC RELATIONS. FIRE.
Love it. That’s savage right there. Well done, Burt. And clearly everyone knew he was joking because the first comment on that tweet was from, Steelers defensive end, Cam Heyward, who wrote back, “Hey Burt, you got that bike JuJu is looking for?”
So with practice now wrapping up, Juju was back on Twitter. And things got depressing again for a second when he thumbed out, “Gotta walk home now.”
Now. This is where it gets really, really good. And I’m just gonna say it—Juju’s bike getting lifted was worth it just for what happened next. Because while JuJu was getting all of this attention—guess who decided to show up? I’ll give you a hint: She has a track record of getting mixed up with athletes on Twitter pretty damn regularly and usually she gets the better of it.
That’s right. None other than Mia Khalifa. Because why the hell not? And let me tell you right now—Mia probably wishes she never got involved. Check this: In response to everything Juju was tweeting, Mia thumbed out, “You are my new favorite follow on Twitter, JuJu.”
Innocent enough, right? EHHH!!!!
Because for as innocent as the sounded, JuJu loaded up a nuke a slammed the little red button: “Oh hell nah. I’m not falling for this. I’m young. Not stupid.”
Shut it down. Let’s go home! Hey, Vivid Video, your girl’s wandering around the 50 yard line. Can you come get her?
Remember when Chris Carter told a bunch of rookies that they needed to have a fall guy to stay out of trouble? To hell with that. They need JuJu’s Twitter game. My man JuJu should be the keynote speaker at rookie symposiums from now. This kid is locked in. And he’s not about to join the hit list of Chad Kelly and Wilson Contreras.
JuJu—I’m sorry your bike was jacked. I really am. But I’m not sorry it led to the greatest Twitter rejection of all-time. And trust me, if I had it my way—I’d throw a gold jacket on your right now and enshrine you in Twitter Hall of Fame if I could.
But here’s the best part. All’s well that ends well. And according to Lisa Washington of KDKA in the Burgh—someone has returned JuJu’s bike. This makes JuJu to the first person ever to get the better of Mia Khalifa on Twitter, and the first person ever to get a stolen bike.
Team JuJu for life.