It’s that time of year again. And truthfully, it feels like it comes earlier and earlier every year. I am, of course, talking about draft evaluation time. That magical time of year when anonymous talent evaluators break down NFL draft prospects and spew an interesting set of word combinations in an effort to hype up or break down potential picks. It used to be that we had to wait until January to get these breakdowns, but apparently it’s never too early to start and we’ve already got a clubhouse leader for the greatest evaluation ever.
Charles Robinson of Yahoo spoke to a number of evaluators about the most important position, quarterback and the four guys who are getting the most attention: Josh Rosen, Josh Allen, Baker Mayfield, and Sam Darnold. The consensus seemed to be that Rosen was the most likely to be ready to start from day one, that Allen is a bit of a wild card, and that Mayfield is a “physically built-up Johnny Manziel.”
And then there’s Darnold, a guy who reportedly had teams drooling last year when he wasn’t even ready. When it comes to Darnold, at least one NFC personnel man isn’t particularly impressed. He told Yahoo “You can have him. Loopy motion. Bad face. Overrated.”
Wait, what? Bad face?!?!?! Of all the reasons not to like a quarterback, “bad face” is one of the best. I get that there’s a whole absurd glossary that goes into evaluating players, which is how you end up with phrases like “natural bendiness,” “deceptively athletic,” “fluid hips,” and “more quick than fast,” but “bad face” is the best thing I’ve ever heard. The GOAT. For now and forever, nothing will ever top BAD FACE, I mean are you really not going to draft a guy because of his “bad face”? That would be an incredible move. Bad arm, I get. Bad legs, I get that, too. And I certainly wouldn’t want to invest big money in a guy with a bad back, but passing on someone because he’s got a bad face? That would be an all-timer.
I’d love to be in a draft war room with the guy who drops that line. Let’s see, his numbers were incredible, he’s got a great 40 time, his vert is incredible, teammates love him, but he’s got a bad face. Or, Loopy motion, that’s a problem, but we can fix it. The face, though, it’s bad. I mean it’s a terrible face.
Right, because Peyton Manning was Brad Pitt. And Tom Brady was an absolute Adonis when he showed up at the combine. Bad face? It’s not like John Elway was classically handsome. Or that Eli Manning was going to get a gig with Armani. And yet they’ve got rings.
And if you’re a quarterback who gets that evaluation, what are you going to do about it? I mean, you can go see George Whitfield and work on that motion, but what do you do about your “bad face.” Hit up that dude who used to have the show on E! Can an injection or two fix that or do you have to go full scalpel.
Don’t get me wrong, I know the whole look good, feel good, feel good, play good mantra. But bad face doesn’t mean bad player. Then again, Johnny Manziel didn’t exactly have the greatest face ever and that didn’t work out so well, so maybe there’s something to that.
We can speculate that that’s not even what this is about: that when the guy talks about Bad Face, he’s talking about facial expression: like body language as it relates to the face. I guess. But who the hell knows, the dude didn’t describe what he meant when he accused Darnold of bad face.
And no, just because that personnel guy went with personal appearance smack doesn’t mean you can. So you can save your tweets from EJO or those witty zingers like “They said I had a bad face and I’ve got rings. Signed, N Turner” or “I’ve got a bad face? Tell me how my bleep tastes. Oscar winningly yours, Tommy Lee Jones”
An NFL guy saying someone has a “bad face” is awesome… You saying someone has a bad face is about as tired as it gets. Keep moving.