Hey Team Bake, do me a favor and put down the glass-on-glass two footer. You can get back to snapping bowls in just a second, I promise. But first, I thought you’d love to hear about this.
As most of you heads already know, the Golden State just turned into the Dank State over the New Year now that weed is finally legal in California.
Let me stop right there. When the hell was the tree ever illegal in Cali? Seriously. When’s the last time any stoner in this state ever felt the least bit concerned that they were holding? Never? Hell, I’ve got a loyal Bay Area listener to this show named Golden Baked Warrior who straight up Periscopes himself smoking spliffs. That’s the entire Scope. And he’s doesn’t seem the least bit nervous about broadcasting himself getting lifted. So, if California isn’t the most hippy-lettuce friendly place in the world than I don’t know what is.
Regardless—apparently weed wasn’t legal here until two days ago. And now the Green Rush is serious business. And the prospect of growing grass and stacking cash is so damn lucrative that one of the biggest names in sports history is getting in on it.
I’m talking about Iron. Mike. Tyson. The 51-year-old former heavyweight champ broke ground on what will soon be a 40 acre marijuana resort he’s calling, “Tyson Ranch.” Let me save you the mental gymnastics, Clones, and I’ll just go ahead and gloss him for you: Indica. Mike. Highson.
The Ranch is going to be a head’s paradise. 40 acres of straight up dro cultivation. Every strain, every flavor. And Tyson Ranch will even have a supply store, an edible factory, and premium campgrounds and cabins if you wanna get ripped to shreds to lay your head down in the desert.
That’s the other thing—Indica Mike is opening this spot in the absolute middle of nowhere. I didn’t even know there was a California City until I read this story yesterday. But apparently there’s a 13,000 person town that can’t wait for Mike and his face ink to bring a bunch of stoners out to their quaint little desert spot just outside Death Valley.
I’m not gonna lie. I love this story. A couple of years ago opening up stoner campgrounds and lining your pockets would have gotten you thrown in jail. Today, it’s a headline on every sports website and Iron Mike is getting hailed as a savvy businessman. Two days ago, he’s a drug dealer. Today, he’s Mark Zuckerberg. Incredible.
I also love the Mike had the foresight to build an amphitheater out at his resort. So if the String Cheese Incident or Phish are ever in the neighborhood—they can swing by and noodle out a three hour jam for their ideal demographic.
My guy, B-Real, once famously said. “I want to get high. So high.” And Iron Mike took those words to heart just for all you heads out there.
So gas up your beaters, pack up your pieces, refuel your lighters, stock up on Zig Zags, and load the hell up on Fun-yuns. There’s an oasis in the desert calling your name. It’s called Tyson Ranch. And it’s about to be Disneyland for Team Bake.