There are times where a story will cross my desk and I know I have no choice but to lace up the boots, get to the front line, and eat a grenade. This—is one of those times. 

Because when a headline like this one is sitting on a tee—I know you animals have already pulled driver from the bag. And it’s grip-and-rip time. So here I go…

“O.J. Simpson Denies Conspiracy Theory He’s Khloe Kardashian’s Biological Father.”

I’ll repeat that—one more time—because that’s not some satire from the Onion. It’s a trending story on Bleacher Report right now.

“O.J. Simpson Denies Conspiracy Theory He’s Khloe Kardashian’s Biological Father.”

Before you rabid dogs start tearing apart that 72 ounce filet—let me rip the fire extinguisher from the wall and remind you degenerates: This is a sports radio program. Not some daytime DNA test talk show.

Yes, I’ve heard this ridiculous notion the Oadge two-timed his late best-friend Bob Kardashian—and that explains why Khloe looks different than Kim and Kourtney. I’ve heard it—but I don’t give a damn. Aside from it being speculation—it’s a pretty disgusting speculation. I’m sure Kourtney gets a huge laugh out of hearing a bunch of strangers kick around the theory that a double-murderer is her actual biological father. I’m sure that makes her feel great. Keep it up, freaks.

The only reason this conspiracy got dusted off is because Khloe is expecting a child with Tristan Thompson and some soulless paparazzi asked the Juice if congratulations were in order.

Thanks, Juice. Thanks for clearing that up. Now we can all go back to our normal days. Except me, Oadge! You know what happens when you pay some loser from splash news to follow you around Vegas and ask these kinds of questions? Rags like Bleacher Report write about your response. And you know what happens when Bleacher Report writes about your response? My audience sees it. And you know what happens when my audience sees it? I have to spend five minutes wrapping a straightjacket around them and three hours ducking and diving tweets and e-mails that don’t belong on my show.

At this point I’m rooting for a non-violent parole violation. Can we just throw Stinky back in prison already? Life was so much better and so much easier when this dude messing adult diapers in the slammer.

Juice—you promised you’d live a quiet life. Go ahead and make good on that anytime you’re ready.

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