The only thing worse than getting waxed, 38-7, in the NFC Title Game—is getting waxed, 38-7, in the NFC Title Game and having your bully chase you all the way home afterwards. And that’s exactly what’s going on in Minnesota right now.
The Minneapolis Miracle is now officially the Minneapolis Nightmare. Because Philly took a two-by-four to the Vikings grill and smacked ‘em from the Linc straight back to the 6-1-2. And right when the entire state of Minnesota comes out of the coma next week—guess who’s gonna be standing above their hospital bed? Freaking Philly Fan.
Imagine getting your ass kicked in front of everyone you know and then having the dude that tuned you up over for dinner every night for seven straight days? This…is the Minneapolis Nightmare.
Minnesotans aren’t built for this. They’re too nice. Hell, listen to these Vikes Fans—who just stepped off their bird last night getting back from the Sunday slaughter. Some cruel field reporter from the local NBC affiliate shoved a camera in these sad puppies faces and rolled tape on their reaction:
Those are the people who have to host Philly Fan for a week. Those people. People who went to the Linc, for an NFC Title Game, and are in shock that they weren’t treated like family. Now, let me make this very, very clear. I don’t condone ripping a dude’s lid and chucking it in the john. Nor do I condone any kind of violence. But the fact that Viking Fan is dead stunned that this kind of stuff happened to them—tells you everything you need to know about the them, not Philly fan. Pretty much the entire world knew what Philly fan was about. Except apparently, Viking fan.
Take it as complement, Minnesota. You’re too damn nice for this noise. Only a Viking Fan would come back from an away game and be absolutely aghast at what they just saw and experienced. And I get it. Because if the Vikings hosted that game last Sunday, they’d probably invite every Philly Fan walking by to join them in their tailgate. They’d ask ‘em how they were doing. And how their stay has been so far. They’d recommend local spots. And after the game—if the Vikings won 38-7—they’d tell Philly fan, “Great season. Wentz will be back and so will you. Have a very safe flight home and if you’re ever in town, you’ve got a place to stay.”
But now those famous Midwest Manners will be put to their toughest test ever. And I’ll be right in the eye of the storm all next week to see how these two very different groups of people co-exist.
This was going to be biggest party in NFL history for seven straight days. Now it’s going to be the greatest social experiment of all-time: Do Midwest Folk have a boiling point?
We’re about to find out. And I don’t think there’s any better suited group to act as the agitator—then freaking Philly Fan.
Eagles/Pats is the undercard to the main event: Midwest Manners vs. One Week of Philly Fan. Please and thank you vs. Shut up and bleep you.
It’s the most even match ever. And Vegas has opened the line as a pick ’em.
So there’s only question left: Who you got?