Philadelphia absolutely went off yesterday. Two million people packed into a three hundred-year-old street, celebrating a title half a century in the making. And yet, somehow, in a seven-digit deep crowd, one man stole the entire show.
I see your Gronk, and I raise you Jason Kelce.
Jason. Freaking. Kelce. Lifetime Eagle with eight seasons on the offensive line. A man who dropped verbatim Rocky quotes after winning the Super Bowl—showed up to yesterday’s parade decked head-to-toe in a sparkling neon green Mummers get-up and out-partied the entire City of Philadelphia.
One thing for the Eagles Parade to trend on Twitter all morning long—entirely another for an offensive lineman to stay on that list well into the afternoon. But, then again, Jason Kelce did jump off the float, run into the crowd, high-five fans, sign autographs, pose for pictures, chug cans of beer in the street, ride a random mountain bike for a few minutes, and conduct an F-bomb laden chant live on local TV.
All that alone would have made him the championship parade GOAT. But that was just this dude’s morning cup of joe. Because when the march down Broad Street finally ended up at the Art Museum for the ceremony—Jason Kelce, and his outfit, found their way to the podium. And let me just say: We’re all a million times better for it.
Five, pure, unadulterated, euphoric minutes of verbally flipping the world the bird:
Let’s be honest: Viking Fan is happy the Birds won after seeing Jason Kelce’s act yesterday. Hell, even the Chowds know the world is a better place for having the Jason Kelce Experience yesterday. And now Chase Utley, Brad Marchand, and the Hood himself can all fight for second place—because Jason Kelce is the runaway championship parade soundbite GOAT.
And anyone looking to run him down is staring at an almost impossible feat. The get-up, the beer chugging, the fan interaction, the bike riding, and the multiple F-bomb speech…
Have yourself a day, Jason Kelce. And good luck to anyone trying to top that. Ever.
Fly Eagles, fly.