This has already been the least Patriots offseason of all-time. The Hood is breaking the Gram with beach vacay photos. 76-year-old Bob Kraft is buying diapers for a kid who allegedly isn’t his. And Tom Brady is going on the late show and slamming beers with Steve Colbert.
All three of those things are weird. But here’s one that’s even weirder. Rob Gronkowski, King of the Off-season, has been spotted. And it’s not on a party bus. Or a cruise ship. Or in a WWE Royal Rumble. Or even shirtless on the dance floor of a bar mitzvah grinding up on Aunt Cindy. No, he’s been spotted in… Wait for it… The TB12 Sports Therapy Center.
Boom. While that news got buried in the avalanche of free agency, it might be bigger than any new contract signed in the next 36 hours. Here’s the Tweet that Ian Rapoport dropped:
“One note: Patriots TE Rob Gronkowski’s status may be officially up in the air, but he’s spent his days working out at the TB12 Sports Therapy Center at Gillette. That’s another good sign for New England.”
Good sign? That’s an incredible sign. Like 2 weeks ago, we weren’t sure if Gronk was going to play football again. Now he’s spending Gronk Season in the TB12 center, getting treated like a piece of meat in a tenderizer by Alex Guerrero, not like a piece of meat on the high seas by the cruise gal.
Yeah, I know Gronk’s hinted that he hasn’t made up his mind yet on what comes next. I just know he has options. Plenty of them. And the Pats need him more than he needs them, because others will hook him up: Pro Wrestling. Action Movies. That Flip Cup Conglomerate the Gronk Brothers brought to Shark Tank a couple years ago. So unlike a lot of other guys, he can do a lot of other things. But as good as Gronk could be at all those things, he was put on this planet to play football. And as long as TB12 is out there beating back father time one spiral and smoothie at a time, he needs Gronk riding shotgun. And the fact that he’s training under his roof and by his methods — even the Hood has to be cool with that. I mean, he’s not, but better to have him in Guerrero’s than to not have him at all.
Gronk gets a lot of run for being a bro, but never enough for grind the way he does. And Yo Soy Fiesta is now Yo Soy Siesta — on a massage table, while Alex gets the oils out, lights a couple scented candles, and goes 30 minutes of Swedish before 30 minutes of deep tissue. And as long as he’s in Tom’s house working the stretch machines and not on spring break grinding under the fog machine, Patriots fans have to feel pretty good about one of the craziest off-season’s ever to hit Foxboro.
Again, the Hood probably hates that somebody as important as Gronk is working with tommy’s trainer instead one of their own, but the alternative is a helluva lot worse. Namely, having to go to battle without one of your best weapons ever when your window may have already slammed shut.