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Airport PSA

I want to take this opportunity to make a public service announcement.

April 10, 2018 - 11:36 am
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I want to take this opportunity to make a public service announcement. Honestly, it’s something that I never thought would require a PSA, but apparently I was wrong. So here goes:

Friends, it’s Jim Rome here, reminding you that when you’re at the airport, you should never joke about bombs, explosives, or weapons. I repeat: do not ever make a joke about bombs, explosives, or weapons. Thank you and have a good flight.

Like I said, I feel like that’s not something I should never have to say on the air, it feels like it should go without saying, but after Green Bay Packers wide receiver Trevor Davis was arrested at LAX for doing just that, it seems that it doesn’t go without saying.

According to the Associated Press, Davis and the woman he was traveling with were checking in for a Hawaiian Airlines flight. Airport police spokesman Rob Pedregon said that an airline employee asked Davis whether he had any explosives in his bag and Davis said “yes.” 

Okay, let me stop you right there. That’s your first mistake. And it’s a terrible, terrible mistake. A truly idiotic error in judgment. And one that isn’t remotely funny. Oh, you’ve got explosives? Hilarious. Stop. My ribs. 

But it doesn’t end there. 

Davis took dumb up to another level because according to Pedregon, after cracking off that original joke, Davis had a chaser. He allegedly turned to the woman he was traveling with and said… and let me pause here for a moment to allow you to guess what he said. Whatever you do, don’t come up with a guess that’s funny or clever, because this is neither.

According to Pedregon, Davis turned to the woman he was traveling with and said “Did you pack the explosives?” 

WHAT

THE

HELL?

That’s not smart. That’s really, really dumb. And as you can imagine, Davis was promptly arrested and charged with making criminal threats. Because that’s how the TSA and airport police respond to jokes. I mean, seriously, what did he think was going to happen? That the employees would just burst into laughter and high-five him? So not only is that the lamest joke ever, it’s criminal activity. He could have been arrested for stupidity alone. But making that stupid joke is actually make a criminal threat. 

Have you ever checked in for a flight before? The routine is very simple – have your documents ready, be polite, answer the questions you’re asked, and then move on. At no point should you be starting a five minute set about hijacking and terrorism.  

Not only is it not smart, it’s not funny either. It’s not like he busted out some really creative original zinger and then got the silver bracelets. If that was the case, maybe you could argue that, well, I had to do it for the comedy. You’d be wrong. One thousand percent wrong and I would never endorse it or support it, but getting arrested for a lame, stupid joke about packing explosives is the dumbest thing ever. 

It’s the Los Angeles International Airport. It’s not the Chuckle Hut. This is neither the time nor the place to be busting out your comedy routine. Save that for open mic night at the Ha Ha Hole or The Funny Bone. 

You want to make a tired joke about air travel, do something about the food they serve on planes or how they’re always losing your luggage. Maybe you go with the classic about how you just flew in from the Midwest and “boy are my arms tired.” Not about whether or not you packed explosives.

I would say that packing explosives is the last thing you joke about at an airport, but that would imply that it is something you could actually joke about at an airport. You can’t. It’s not the last thing you joke about because it doesn’t even make the list of things you joke about at an airport. 

Know your room. And if this guy had, the way we all do, he’d know the TSA and airport police are a terrible audience for your routine. They are not remotely interested in your jokes because they are busy trying to keep everyone safe. 

I’ll repeat it again so that hopefully I never have to say it again: when you’re at the airport, you should never joke about bombs, explosives, or weapons. I repeat: do not ever make a joke about bombs, explosives, or weapons. Thank you. That way you won’t be known for doing the dumbest thing ever. The one literally everyone on the planet knows not to do except you. 

If you were thinking of checking out a movie this weekend, don’t scream “fire” when you’re there. Not funny. And another horrible idea. So is pulling a fire alarm in a train station. In fact, just lay off the jokes for a while. You’re not funny, leave the funny to the people who are.