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Call Van Smack PR, Steve

OKC big man, Steven Adams just added another chapter to his book.

June 05, 2018 - 10:57 am
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OKC big man, Steven Adams just added another chapter to his book. You remember his book, right? The autobiography he couldn’t remember he was working on when he was asked about it back in February? One thing to forget your wallet, or an appointment—an entirely other thing to forget you’re writing a book—about yourself.

But this is what makes Steve Adams a beauty. That, and the fact he’s got one of the all-time best cop-outs working right now for why he threw some serious social shade at his teammate Carmelo Anthony over Instagram. 

This is the whack time we’re living in where the internet watch dogs are foaming at the gap looking to catch anyone slipping with a like here or an unfollow there—only to run it back to start world class drama. And when Steve Adams liked an Instagram comment from some nobody insinuating that Melo wasn’t valuable to OKC—the internet caught him and put him on blast.

The post in question shows a photo of Steve, Russ, Melo, and Paul George with the caption: “Who’s more valuable to OKC?” Someone commented, “All of them expect Melo” and right next to comment is a notification for everyone to see that reads, “Steven Adams liked this comment.”

That got screenshotted and circulated widely enough that Steve had to long distance dial Thunder PR from New Zealand and explain why he digitally endorsed shading Melo like that. This is so damn stupid and would have never made this show if not for Steve Adam’s legendary excuse. Because this dude didn’t play the tired I-was-hacked card from the bottom of the deck. No. This dude went with something I haven’t heard before. This dude pointed the finger—at his thumbs!

Adams told Thunder PR he was scrolling through Instagram and accidentally pressed the like button because of his, “fat fingers.” 

That is so much better than I-got-hacked. Because that’s, “Yeah, I did it. But the reason  I did it is because I have corndogs for digits.”

I don’t even care if he’s telling the truth or not. Because in these situations it’s impossible to know. But what I do know is. He had to dial up the team and tell them his sausage thumbs caused this whole ordeal. That’s what I know. Because that’s a conversation that only happens in 2018. A pro-athlete backpedaling out of a social media blunder by blaming his, quote “fat fingers.”

Are there holes in his story? Sure. Like what the hell is he doing following a fan account that only has 6,000 other followers? And what are the odds he saw the one specific comment he ended up liking when Instagram only displays a single comment for people scrolling through?

But I don’t care that he’s probably lying. This is the rare case where the cover-up isn’t worse than crime. It’s better! 

And I especially loved that he played the fat fingers card when he already had a much better excuse locked and loaded.

And this goes back to the autobiography I mentioned earlier. When he was asked about the book back in February, a reporter said, “Have you written before?”

Steve responded, ““No! I didn’t write it. I got a ghostwriter named Madeline Chapman. I can barely read, mate. I can’t write a book. Jesus.” 

Steve-O! If you’ve already copped to being illiterate—this would have been a perfect time to remind everyone, again, that you can’t read. And ask, how can anyone hold it against you that you liked a post shading Melo if you have no idea what that post said?!

Next time instead of calling OKC PR, call Van Smack PR. Because the fat finger excuse was awesome and hilarious. But the can’t-read excuse is better. Because it’s true. You said as much. 

So now we know this dude can't read and he can't scroll through Instagram without liking comments that kill his teammates. Thank god he's a good at basketball--because I have no idea what else he'd be doing right now.

Never change, though, Steve. Never change.