Kendrick Perkins

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Classic Kendrick Perkins

Perk is the problem that nobody wants.

June 06, 2018 - 11:00 am
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Game 3 of the Finals is tonight and if Round 4 Warriors-Cavs doesn’t do it for you, you might want to check in to see Round Infinity of Kendrick Perkins versus the World.

You’ll recall that Kendrick Perkins got into it with Drake in the Eastern Conference Semifinals and while the exact origins of that beef were unclear, Perk said that he was jawing at Serge Ibaka, Drake got involved, and according to Perk: "He said something slick, so I said something back: 'Sit your ass down and watch the game.'"

The Celtics apparently did not want any of Kendrick Perkins in the Eastern Conference Finals and that series proceeded without a Perkins-related incident. Which is a good thing and a wise strategy for everyone involved.

And even though Kendrick Perkins didn’t dress for Game 1 of the Finals, well he did, but he dressed in a suit, he was still involved. Because that was the game where Draymond Green did his legendary cheerleader impression directed at Perk.

Dave McMenamin summed it up perfectly in a tweet: Draymond Green is mimicking a cheerleader waving pom-poms to mock Kendrick Perkins who is screaming down towards the Warriors' side of the court as he wears a suit on the Cavs bench.

And then came Game 2, where at the end of the third quarter, Steph Curry and Perk got into it. Curry went up for a shot, Perk’s legs were in his way when he landed and they started jawing. I get it. Curry wants to be able to land without having some guy in a suit sticking his giant legs in the way. And Kendrick Perkins is not exactly the kind of guy to be cutting anyone slack or giving anyone free space to land, especially in the Finals, even if he’s wearing a suit.

Curry shook it off as “much ado about nothing” after the game, but his teammates didn’t feel that way and as Chris Hayes reported, they were pretty pissed about Kendrick Perkins.

Well, so is Kendrick Perkins. Kendrick Perkins is pissed and confused. He told the Boston Globe: “I was just sitting there and he landed on my leg. And he was standing over my leg and I don’t understand what people want me to do. He was like, ‘What you on?’ and I’m like, ‘What you mean what I’m on?’ I’m sitting over here.”

That’s strong. That’s solid. That’s classic Kendrick Perkins. But here comes the money quote. 

“I don’t know why people keep wanting to pick battles this way. Might want to choose that [expletive] wisely, man, [rather] than [bleeping] with me. I don’t think I’m the problem that they want, though, might want to pick another battle.”

Line for line, that is as good as it gets. “I don’t know why people keep wanting to pick battles this way.” Genius. That’s a classic enforcer who just wants to be left alone. Do not pick battles with me because then I will have to finish them.

And then he follows that up with: “Might want to choose that [expletive] wisely, man, [rather] than [bleeping] with me.”

Now, here’s your warning. Stand the hell down. You’re picking the wrong dude to jack with. 

And then he closes it out with: “I don’t think I’m the problem that they want.” That is an absolutely legendary quote. 

And normally, something like that, coming from a guy who’s in a suit, is just fake tough guy bullcrap... But there is nothing fake tough guy about Kendrick Perkins. And just because he’s been around for a bit doesn’t mean that he’s lost anything off his game. Kendrick Perkins is the LeBron James of Kendrick Perkins. And even more amazing, Kendrick Perkins is only a month and a half older than LeBron James. 

But do not let that tailored suit fool you. He’s right. He’s NOT the problem that you want. My guy will go and he is just looking for a reason. He’s been contributing as a quasi-coach in the playoffs because he has a great head for the game. But he’s got some great hands and it says here that he’s REALLY WANTS TO GIVE THEM TO SOMEBODY.

Don’t’ get it twisted. This main event is already over. The Cavs got coldcocked. But Perk is obviously looking to take a body or two with him. And everyone in the association knows who will and who won’t go. Who you can mess with and who don’t any part of.  Perk is the latter. LeBron has a huge problem. Well, actually four huge problems: the dudes he has to run with at given time during a game. But Perk is right he is the problem the Warriors don’t want. Perk is the problem that nobody wants.