Jameson Taillon

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A Pee Sheet?

What’s in your medicine cabinet?

May 15, 2018 - 11:56 am
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What’s in your medicine cabinet? Pirates’ pitcher Jameson Taillon would love to know. Because this dude has a pretty bad cut on the middle digit of his throwing hand and he’s out there chasing hard for a remedy to get him back on the bump. Over the weekend, the Pittsburgh Tribune-Review sat down with the dude and he straight up said he’s willing to try anything. And I mean anything.

Forget hitting it with some Neosporin or a damn band-aid, Jameson Taillon is looking to hit with some urine. And not just his own.

“I said if it helps, I’ll put a sign-up sheet up and everyone can come and pee. I don’t care. I just want it go away.”

Bro. The hell?

First off—are you so dehydrated that you can’t just settle for your own stuff? Do you really need a 25 man roster coming over to the locker to literally hang out? How big is this cut?

Look, I love a guy who wants to play for his team at all costs—but not this cost. It's your finger, dude. Not a team urinal.

So in tweet that could only come from a baseball player, Tallion, thumbed this gem out yesterday: “Gotta clarify this whole pee on hand thing. People offer up their remedy opinions. I jokingly said if peeing on it gets me on the field where I belong, I’ll put up a signup sheet. Not my thing. I promise!”

Sure as hell sounds like your thing when you’re the one who said it. But I’m willing to let you walk that back. Or at least I was until the follow up tweet. “But for real. Does it work? Asking for a friend.”

Man. This dude really wants his digit hosed down. And I’m pretty sure the only reason he even attempted to retract his statement initially is because it’s a baseball clubhouse and that sign-up sheet probably got tattooed by guys ready to help out. 

Jameson. It's a cut. Not a jellyfish sting. Hit that thing with some super glue or a some stitches. Or lop it off. Or just ride it on the DL. Do anything that doesn't involve a grip of teammates turning your finger into A-Rod’s cousins’s rug.

Because you're not even accounting for splash radius. Or mental trauma. Or some dude that housed a bunch of asparagus before his turn on that sign-up sheet.

 

Bottom line: Just don't do it. Be the guy that misses a few starts. Not the guy that becomes the team's reliever. And I'm not talking about the bullpen.

 

HEY-O!